t•w•e•n•t•y

December 14, 1995. 20 years ago today. 

20 years living in this beautiful world, 20 (and many, many more) things to be thankful for and absolutely in love with...

1. A savior who loves me extravagantly, who sees me and knows me. Nothing is too big or too small, and His beauty astounds me day by day. 

2. My parents, who are the two most wonderful people on the planet. They love wholeheartedly, they seek wisdom, they offer grace, and they keep their hearts young. They have given me tenfold of what I have needed. 

3. The rest of my family- blood or bond. I am surrounded by genuine support and endless joy. We are large in number and larger in love. 

4. Justin- My best friend since I was 13. The person who knows everything about me and still wants to hang around ☺️ he makes me laugh like no one else, and he conquers life admirably. 

5. Madi- My person. My 3am phone call, my 80's glam band mate, my personal cheerleader, and someone I can always find in my corner. So thankful for her infectious smile and her adventurous spirit.

6. Baylor University, the place that has become my beautiful, wonderful home. This college and the people who brought me here hold an irreplaceable spot in my heart. I am continually amazed that I have the opportunity to be here. I am challenged, stretched, and nourished here.

7. "Sextuplets"- the six people who make staying up all night worth it. 😂 Calleigh, Joi, Kristyn, Heather, Brentyn, and Justin have given me a family at college. My life is weird and joyful because of them, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

8. Kat- meeting your roommate on move in day is scary. Living with strangers is hard. Kat has become such a wonderful friend to laugh with, be encouraged by, and vent with. She is such a blessing, and I'm so happy that we ended up living together! 

9. Sunsets- One of my most favorite things about this world. The beauty of a sky painted vibrant, luminous colors takes my breath away. 

10. Mountains- I could spend my life hiking trails alongside streams, cliffs, and waterfalls, surrounded by snow-capped or lush green peaks. There is restorative tranquility in these places. 

11. Kids/babies- Jesus calls us to live our lives with the faith and joy that precious little ones possess. I am so excited to spend my life loving these sweet, tiny humans.

12. Music- one of the biggest parts of my life. Whether I need to sing, dance, cry, laugh, rest, or be wild, there is music for that. 

13. Puppies- because, come on, who doesn't absolutely adore them.

14. Privileges- I have always had what I have needed. Never have I been left behind or forgotten. There are so many people in this world who are treated horribly, so many lives I could have easily lived. I am unfathomably humbled to be on the end that has the means to cherish, protect, and care for these people. 

15. Words- they're kind of my thing. ☺️ from languages to poetry, we are beautifully connected by words.

16. Pathways UMC- this little country church has awakened something in my family that had previously been hushed. I find so much joy in sitting among my parents, sibling, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents while we worship and learn together. 

17. Technology- being 500 miles from home is hard. Thankfully, I can hear voices, see faces, and send messages instantly to my loved ones back home.

18. Failure- I can be a sore loser and I struggle with chasing perfection. There is no wisdom in that, though, and I am thankful to be learning that failure can do just as much good in my life as success. 

19. Christmas!!!!!! My absolute favorite time of the year. I shamelessly begin obsessing around October. There is pure magic in everyone coming home, being unified, blessing others, and celebrating redemption. I adore it. 

20. Grace/forgiveness/mercy- how thankful I am that each day is a new one. I am thankful for today, a new age to grow and learn and love. A new year, soon, to experience life. I am amazed at these three things that are freely given to me each and every moment of the day. 

Here's to 20, and all of the big plans and small moments that will make it spectacular. 💕

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

Welcome to the river.

One month ago today, I sat in a chair in a tattoo shop and heard God very clearly ask me to trust Him, for real. To give everything over to Him and to have a patient, devoted heart. (You can read about that here.) I have spent this past month reminding myself of this. I didn't want my tattoo to simply be ink on my skin-- it has purpose, its story is beautiful and redeeming, and I want to always keep that redemption and beauty close to me. Yesterday, when I realized that today would be one month, I was frustrated. It has barely felt like a week since it all happened. I thought about that night, about the way God had spoken to me, and about what I had done with this first month.

• I left a job that was destructive to me. I was making hardly any money, sometimes even owing more money than I made. It was taking one of the most joyful parts of my life and painting a very broken, negative picture of it. It was trapping me in lies about myself- inadequacy, to be specific. Leaving was hard, because I don't like the uncertainty of not having a job, but already, things are better.
• I went home and saw my family and friends for the first time since August. Making the choice to spend fall break at home instead of going on a trip seemed easy at first, but on the long drive home, I worried that I was missing out on an experience. However, there was so much peace and rest at home. Being with my family was wonderful. It was simply joyous. I am so blessed to have so many people in my life who bring me closer to Jesus.
• I walked away from destructive relationships. I am a giver, and I find joy in doing things for others. However, this sometimes means that I am not good at making boundaries, and I don't always recognize when I'm being taken advantage of-- instead, I take it on as my own inadequacy. I spent a long time feeling defeated and wondering how Jesus must see me, if the people around me saw me so negatively. Loving yourself enough to take a step back when people aren't treating you right is extremely hard, especially for me. I felt so guilty for standing up for myself, but my days are already brighter. I understand the beauty and worth that Jesus finds in me. I don't constantly worry that I'm not doing enough for my friends, because the company I keep is good, honest, and genuine. It is Christ-centered, and I walk away feeling encouraged and valued, instead of used and alone.
• I sought help for a problem that has been hindering my life for years. For a while now, I have known that I struggle with anxiety. I never wanted to admit that it was bad enough to need help, but realizing that I can be freed from the chains it binds me in has been so freeing in itself that I can't imagine not seeking help for it. I'm so thankful to go to a university that offers so many resources for me to seek help and find peace. I am finding myself surrounded by the indescribable peace that Jesus brings. I am breathing deep, resting in quiet moments instead of worrying in them.

I am determined to find a home where I'm at. I am confident that I am exactly where I'm meant to be right now. That doesn't mean that I'm in this incredible place, just that I am where Jesus wants me to be. I can spend my time fighting it, trying on my own to fix things and find better places, or I can simply stop fighting and come and rest in Jesus' arms. I can choose to trust Him without borders, as the ink on my skin declares.

He will not forsake me for even a moment, He never leaves my side. He always finds beauty, joy, and worth in me. He holds me, He keeps me safe. He knows my steps before I take them. He is all-powerful, and He directs my path. He brings me peace in my darkest moments. I never walk alone, and I never walk into a path He does not already see. Not only does He know my heart's desires, He created them, and He cherishes them. He calls me "friend" and "daughter." He picks me up when I am weary, and He carries me when I cannot go on.

There are easy and hard days. Some days, there are far more questions than answers. But having spent this past month asking God where I needed to trust Him more has been so beneficial to me. I want to spend this next month living in absolute trust- doing my very best to give not just the biggest parts of my life to Him, but every single part. In the little moments where I am tempted to try and move on my own, I want to remember the wondrous beauty I encountered from giving over the big parts. I want to pursue wisdom and peace. I turn 20 in one month, and I want to start this first year of real adulthood being grounded in trust. I can't wait to see what God holds for me. There is new life for me.

I've been listening to Meredith Andrews while writing this, and currently, her song "The River" is playing. How fitting. I am sitting at the river, while Jesus is preparing me to dive in and be made whole. "Welcome to the river," He invites me, calling my name,  "come drink, come away, come find your very life. Welcome to the river of God, where your brokenness is washed away."


-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

He loves me in the middle of a tattoo shop.

Hello friends! Wow, it's been way too long. I miss freshman year, when I had so much more time to write a blog. (: Sophomore year has been busy, but it has also been extremely formative. I am amazed at the brilliance of God surrounding me.

So, to start off, Friday night I ended up getting a tattoo! I've had the design in mind for over a year, but it has always been just a "someday" idea. Here's a pic:

 

 

"Trust without borders." It is a reminder, a declaration, and a promise. It comes from Hillsong United's "Oceans," a song that was deeply influential in my journey to Baylor. My mom and I usually cry when we hear it. (:

 

I certainly didn't intend to spend my Friday night getting a tattoo. In fact, recently, I had discarded this idea altogether- and I had discarded the song and the meaning behind it, and worst of all, God's plan and work in me. Sophomore year has brought new challenges. As much as I thought that it would be incredibly easy, since I survived freshman year, all new obstacles have shown themselves, spitting in my face and laughing at my weakness. Instead of holding tight to God while we faced them together, I hid away from them and from God. I stopped seeking the great adventure that I had longed for. I wanted to run towards it, but it felt so impossible. I felt so ashamed, like a failure, and convinced myself that I had ruined my chances at chasing my dreams and bringing them to reality.

 

Fear is a nasty monster. Comparison is the thief of joy. Loneliness is a deep pit. These are the three things that took the place of God in my heart. They pushed and shoved until they consumed me. I was doing the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't do- I was being weak. I was losing. I had spent all summer summoning courage and bravery, vowing to face each day at Baylor with a "can-do" attitude. I even bought a journal that had me write down one brave thing I did each day. That journal still only has two entries. It didn't take long at all for me to lose my own battle- I was so determined to be the absolute best version of myself that I had ever been. I couldn't handle the pressure, and I cracked.

 

I wanted to have the answers. I wanted to be on top of everything. I wanted to make fabulous grades, have a good job with a big paycheck, and be active in all of my extracurriculars. I wanted my relationship with Jesus to be rock-solid, unwavering, and absolutely beautiful. I refused to accept anything else. So when I came up short, I threw it all away. What was I thinking? I had never been anything like this. There was no way I could change it all now and be some amazing person who had her life together. People always make jokes about me being a "hot mess," and they aren't wrong. I am a mess. That's all I've ever been.

 

The past two weeks have been the hardest. I completely stopped listening to anything God might be saying to me, or showing me. I couldn't bring myself to face Him. I would only make empty promises that would unravel before I could finish making them. There was so much shame and guilt surrounding me. Then I began to worry about facing my family; what would they say? You could see the failure all over my face, like there was a sign taped there: "this idiot never gets it right."

 

The sign became a list: "Her grades are laughable, she has no real friends, and her paycheck doesn't even last three days. She hasn't slept in three days. She failed a neuroscience test. Her friends think she's crazy. She can only work 12 hours a week. She hasn't showered in two days."

 

The list shouted its contents in my face everywhere I went. When I spoke, it shouted over me. When I was silent, it whispered in my ear, feeding itself into my heart. By Wednesday of last week, I was so far off from God that even listening to the worship music that usually renews my soul could only make me feel disappointed.

 

Then, Friday night, I was sitting in a tattoo shop with a friend. I was there only for moral support. When we walked into the shop, though, I felt different. It felt familiar, for some unknown reason. As we signed her in and waited for her turn, I could only concentrate on how odd this feeling was. I opened the folder on my phone where the tattoo design was saved, and looked at it. I had gone to a few shops at home to have it priced, and they had all said at least $100. I had about $50 to spend that night. After my friends said I should get the tattoo, I walked up to the front and asked them to price it. I still had no intention of actually going through with it. There was no way I could afford it, and even then, I wasn't even sure I believed in its significance anymore. Then I heard the man behind the counter say "$45." I thanked him and walked away. I ended up going into the bathroom, almost panicking at the thought of this tattoo. Why was I even considering this???

 

 It felt crazy. But at the same time, it felt right. I felt peaceful. It was like I was doing this no matter how I really felt about it. Why? What the hell had gotten into me? I couldn't just put permanent ink on my skin if the message had turned from a song in my heart to a reminder of my failure. But I left the bathroom, walked back up to the desk, signed my papers, paid my $45, and sat back down to wait my turn. Then I walked back to the room, told the artist where I wanted it, and sat in the chair. I got the tattoo. It hardly hurt, but I freaked out nonetheless. This was insane. There was no going back. But later on, when I was lying in bed, staring at a picture of the words now permanently a part of me, the presence of God was overwhelming. I was consumed not with fear, or regret, but with peace and love. It was a beautiful reassurance that this is what it took for God to get my attention. And that may sound crazy- a tattoo as a form of redemption? But I strongly believe that it is.

 

This redemption has reminded me of the truth- that I fail because I attempt on my own. That I do not have to bring anything to the table except trust. God works it all out for me, I only have to be still and listen. My dad and I were talking a few nights ago, and he told me "I truly believe that you are right where you're supposed to be right now. Not just your physical location, but spiritually, and emotionally, too. You have a lot more questions than answers, and the questions are questions of maturity. I know that the answers are their way. Keep allowing yourself to be open, open to new and different things. Big things, big challenges, and big adventures. This is the time to listen without anticipating what He's saying. Without 'interrupting' what He's telling you. Make Him speak loud and clear. Listen quietly and carefully, and yet aggressively. Don't sell yourself short, that's really only selling Him short. Be careful not to think or say 'I can't' but instead, 'I will.'" WOW. What incredible wisdom. He's the best.

 

Ultimately, I know that the dreams and desires of my heart were placed there by God when I was created. I know that each and every day of my life has been formative in some way to further the plan and the calling that has been placed on my life. It is so easy to get caught up in trying to do it all by myself- thinking that I know more than God, that I can do it on my own... Sometimes even that I can do it better my way. But all of those attempts fall to the ground, and I am always left cleaning up the mess. Thankfully, God never steps away from me... never even moves an inch. In all of my wandering, all of my refusal to open my heart and come sit at the table, He is there. When I convince myself that I am not worthy of a seat at the table- that I am unworthy of love, grace, and acceptance, God is already working around me, preparing me for whatever comes next.

 

It reminds me of Jesus asking Peter to step out of the boat. Peter is terrified, and tells Jesus he cannot do it. The whole point Jesus is making is, "I know you can't. But I can. And if I say that you can, it will be done." We can't do it alone. We have to get out of the boat with the mindset of letting Jesus take care of things, or we will drown.

 

How beautiful it is to have a Savior who tears down my walls and leads me to beautiful places. My hope, my peace, my strength, my trust is in Him, and it is a love without end, a journey that knows no borders. He loves so perfectly. His love stretches beyond my wildest dreams. He is steadfast and unwavering. He is all-powerful, and He loves me at my darkest. I would so much rather spend my life struggling and trusting in God than struggling all by myself. I will never be perfect. There will be times like this for the rest of my life, when I try to do things on my own, and lose sight of the truth. But The Truth never loses sight of me. Hallelujah. I am so in awe of the extravagant love that died for me, that lives for me, and that carries me through every day of my life. What a good, good father.

 

 

"You called me out upon the waters. The great unknown, where feet may fail. And there I find you in the mystery... In oceans deep, my faith may fail. But I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace; for I am yours, and you are mine. Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Though feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you've never changed, and you won't start now. Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." -Oceans, Hillsong United

 

 

 

 

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

 

 



Why I Whole-Heartedly Believe in Greek Life

This was intended to be an open letter to anyone who has ever looked at a girl in a sorority and thought less of her based on that fact alone, but I do not believe addressing those people is worth my time. Instead...

This is for every girl, including myself, who has heard the words "sorostitute," "vapid," "skin-deep," "daddy's girl," "rich bitch," or any of the other hundreds of things that are negatively spat at the girls of Greek life. To those girls:

never listen to a single word of it. Never, for one second, let it enter any part of your mind. Whether the words are heard in passing, in a conversation next to you, read online, or spoken directly to you. Do not let the misunderstanding, jealousy, stereotyping, and ignorance of others hold you back or bring you down even an inch.

Instead, hold your head high. You are seated among incredible women. Let's meet a few of them:

Condoleezza Rice: Alpha Chi Omega, University of Denver
-66th United States Secretary of State
-First female African-American Secretary of State
-Second African-American Secretary of State
-Second female Secretary of State
-First female to serve as National Secretary Advisor (Under George W. Bush, first term)
-Professor of political science, Stanford University
-Served on the National Security Council as the Soviet and Eastern Europe Affairs Advisor (George H.W. Bush)
-Pioneered the policy of Transformational Diplomacy

This isn't even close to everything Condoleezza has done in her incredible career.

Katie Couric: Delta Delta Delta, University of Virginia
-American journalist and author
-Yahoo Global News anchor
-Hosted on all "Big Three" television networks in the U.S.(NBC, CBS, ABC)
-Co-host of The Today Show
-Anchor on CBS Evening News
-Correspondent for 60 Minutes
-New York Times' Best Selling Author (The Best Advice I Ever God: Lessons From Extraordinary Lives)
-Inducted into Television Hall of Fame

Kate Spade: Kappa Kappa Gamma, Arizona State University
-Co-founder and namesake of Kate Spade New York
-Council of Fashion Designers of America's "America's New Fashion Talent in Accessories," 1996
-I'm just going to leave part of her bio here to explain the rest. She is a creative genius.
-"Spade launched her New York-based design company "kate spade handbags" in January 1993. As the name implies, they initially started out selling mainly handbags, but eventually extended to include stationery, personal organizers, address books, shoes, beauty products, perfume, raincoats, pajamas, and eyewear. In 1996 Kate Spade opened its first boutique, a 400-square-foot shop located in Manhattan's trendy SoHo district, and moved its headquarters into a 10,000-square-foot space in West 25th Street. In 2004, "kate spade at home" was launched as a home collection brand. It features bedding, bath items, china, wallpaper and various items for the home."

Hoda Kotb: Delta Delta Delta, Virginia Tech
-News anchor and TV host
-Today Show co-host
-Daytime Emmy Award winner, 2010
-Dateline NBC correspondent
-Virginia Tech Alumni Association Board of Directors, 2010
-New York Times' Bestselling Author (Hoda: How I Survived War Zones, Bad Hair, Cancer, and Kathie Lee
-Breast cancer survivor

Carrie Underwood: Sigma Sigma Sigma, Northeastern State University
-American Idol winner, fourth season, 2005
-Member of Grand Ole Opry, 2008
-Oklahoma Music Hall of Fame, 2009
-Seven Grammy Awards
-Seventeen Billboard Music Awards
-Eleven Acadamy of Country Music Awards
-Eight American Music Awards
-Nominee, Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song
-Rolling Stone's "Female Vocalist of Her Generation"
-Debut album, Some Heats: fastest selling debut country album in Neilsen SoundScan history, the best-selling solo female debut album in country music history and the best-selling country album of the last ten years
-Over 65 million records sold globally
-Top Country Artist of all time on the RIAA's Digital Singles ranking
-Biggest American Idol earner of all time
-Female artist with the most No.1 hits on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart, from 1991 to present
-One of Time Magazine's "100 Most Influential People"


These are only a few of the many powerful, successful, influential, brilliant women who were members of sororities during their college years. Sororities should be celebrated.

There will never be a group of people that is perfect. There are sorority chapters that fail to attain the level of class and dignity that sororities should have. There will always be members of every type of group on this planet that misrepresent their group. But what good does it do to falsely stereotype every single member for the acts of a few? Any time you find yourself generalizing an entire group of people, you're most likely wrong. Whether it's political parties, college groups, schools, genders, ethnicities, classes, religions, etc... People are individuals. They make their own choices and live their own lives.

The heart of Greek life is service and community. Sororities donate time, money, resources, and materials to philanthropies ranging from childhood literacy to domestic violence. They connect groups of women to encourage friendship and support. Along the way, some have lost sight of these values, but that does not mean we leave them behind. Instead, those of us who hold to these values should be lifting up our sisters and encouraging them to reevaluate their situation and return to the heart of the matter.

So, Greek girls- whether you're a Zeta, Chi O, ADPi, Kappa, Tri Delt, or in a non-PanHellenic sorority (shoutout KXA), stand tall. Hold to the values. Be proud.

You are incredible. You are unique. You are magnificent. You are a world-changer. You're the next Condoleezza Rice, or Carrie Underwood. You will change the face of politics, television, fashion, and music. You will influence other women to go above and beyond their wildest dreams. You have immense responsibility in your hands to publicly defy the nasty stereotypes placed on sorority girls. You are not these stereotypes. You are human. You are worthy of love. 

As my girl Hannah Montana says- "I'm unusual, not so typical, way too smart to be waiting around! Tai chi-practicing snowboard champion; I can fix the flat on your car... I might even be a rockstar!!!" (Killin' it, Hannah)

"From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it."

Precious Sons...

My precious son [your name here],

I know that you are struggling, and this is why you feel that I am not with you. You look around at your situation, and you let everything around you overwhelm you, so that you cannot see Me. The truth, though, is that I am still here. I am as close as ever, sitting next to you in class and at work, riding in your car, enjoying good times with your friends, and pursuing daily goals. Even if those things disappear, I am here, precious son, I am always here. There’s a song by Audio Adrenaline that talks about my devotion to you: “I’d leave 99, leave them all behind, to find you… for you alone,” so take heart, because nothing can separate us.

I know that sometimes your fears far outweigh your peace. You fear failure, rejection, and a long list of other possibilities. Son, I know that you have experienced pain. I know that some of your fears have become reality at different points. But this does not define you; it is not who you are. You are worthy of love. You are kind, gentle, joyful, intuitive, and brave. You sometimes think that smiling and laughing easily is a fault, that it makes you look silly or odd, but it’s how I made you. Your joy spreads to others; never be afraid to be joyful and to express your feelings. You have overcome many challenges, and you seek a deeper meaning than surface level in whatever you commit to. Those things bring wisdom.

Son, never be afraid to be fully yourself and fully human. There is nothing wrong with that. Stop thinking that everyone will hate you for being you. Do not turn off part of yourself because it is not "manly." I created you, and My creation is beautiful, and it deserves to be treated as such. Treat yourself with the kindness and respect that you offer to others. Do not hide away for fear of judgment. I did not create you simply for physical appearance- My plans are much more extravagant than that. I have brought you to where you are, and I would not bring you somewhere that would harm you. Trust Me, dearest son. I’m so sorry this world has lied to you and left you feeling this way. I’m so sorry you feel vulnerable, unworthy, and forgotten. I need you now, though, to rise from that. I need you to be strong like I know you can be. I need you to speak up for yourself instead of shying away. Make your voice heard, because I have called you to a great plan, and I have made you a leader. I have made you for great things… Things you can’t even imagine. Do not forget that I finish what I start.

Overall, remember that I am with you always, to the end of the age. I love you extravagantly, abundantly, and wholly. I see you, I know you, and I delight in you. You make me proud, joyful, and eager for what is to come. I am so amazed by the way you persevere and the way you love others. In your darkest moments—through every moment--I have been right beside you, holding you. We have sat silently on your bed while you unsuccessfully willed tears away, and we have boasted laughter and excitement when you succeed. I have felt your heart break, and it breaks Mine, too. I am working it back together again, but it just takes time, because you have so much to learn about Me and My love for you. I need you to trust Me enough to let go. I promise I will not leave you. I cannot promise you that bad things will never happen again, but I do promise you that I am right there through it all, that you are always held, always seen, and always loved.

I cherish you, son, I call you “friend.” I delight in you. Dearest son, hold on- fear not. My love will never leave you. You could never do anything that would change the absolute joy I find in you. I know that you will make mistakes, sometimes bigger than what you can fix, and I know you have regrets. Lay them on me, all of your burdens, and let me take them. Let me make you new again. My grace is abounding, never running out, and I want to give it to you.

 

Find your success and worth in me, not in the world. It will never matter if you meet their expectations or not. Look to Me, seek My face, and stay focused on what I have for you. You can never disappoint Me, because I have seen your entire life before time began… And still I love you- extravagantly, abundantly, wholly. I am all things: mother and father, sister and brother, friend, counselor, king… My list goes on to cover the entire universe. I am everything you need.

Love, Abba

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Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it has spoken to your heart, and that you feel the overwhelming love of Jesus all around you. Please save a copy of this letter, with your name inserted wherever you'd like, and keep it to read when you need to. Let these words speak truth over your life and your heart. You are wonderful. I would love to know how this letter has impacted you. You can leave a comment or contact me via Facebook or email.

I want to leave you with this playlist that I think goes nicely with this letter.

1. Leaving 99- Audio Adrenaline
2. You're not Alone- Meredith Andrews
3. You are For Me- Kari Jobe
4. Hold Me Jesus- Rich Mullins
5. How He Loves- David Crowder
6. Come As You Are- Crowder
7. Let It Be Jesus- Chris Tomlin
8. Jesus Loves Me- Christ Tomlin
9. Holy Spirit- Francesca Battistelli
10. Shoulders- For King & Country
11. Strong Enough- Stacie Orrico

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

Dearest daughters...

My dearest daughter [your name here],

I know that you are struggling, and this is why you feel that I am not with you. You look around at your situation, and you let everything around you overwhelm you, so that you cannot see Me. The truth, darling, is that I am still here. I am as close as ever, sitting next to you in class and at work, riding in your car, enjoying good times with your friends, and pursuing daily goals. Even if those things disappear, I am here, sweet girl, I am always here. There’s a song by Audio Adrenaline that talks about my devotion to you: “I’d leave 99, leave them all behind, to find you… for you alone,” so take heart, dear, because nothing can separate us.

I know that sometimes your fears far outweigh your peace. You fear failure, rejection, and a long list of other possibilities. Daughter, I know that you have experienced pain. I know that some of your fears have become reality at different points. But this does not define you; it is not who you are. You are worthy of love. You are kind, gentle, joyful, intuitive, and brave. You sometimes think that smiling and laughing easily is a fault, that it makes you look silly or odd, but it’s how I made you. Your joy spreads to others; never be afraid to be joyful and to express your feelings. You have overcome many challenges, and you seek a deeper meaning than surface level in whatever you commit to. Those things bring wisdom.

Daughter, never be afraid to be yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. Stop thinking that everyone will hate you for being you. I created you, and My creation is beautiful, and it deserves to be treated as such. Treat yourself with the kindness and respect that you offer to others. Do not hide away for fear of judgment. I did not create you simply for physical beauty- My plans are much more extravagant than that. I have brought you to where you are, and I would not bring you somewhere that would harm you. Trust Me, sweet girl. I’m so sorry this world has lied to you and left you feeling this way. I’m so sorry you feel vulnerable, unworthy, and forgotten. I need you now, though, to rise from that. I need you to be strong like I know you can be. I need you to speak up for yourself instead of shying away. Make your voice heard, because I have called you to a great plan, and I have made you a leader. I have made you for great things… Things you can’t even imagine. Do not forget that I finish what I start.

Overall, darling, remember that I am with you always, to the end of the age. I love you extravagantly, abundantly, and wholly. I see you, I know you, and I delight in you. You make me proud, joyful, and eager for what is to come. I am so amazed by the way you persevere and the way you love others. In your darkest moments—through every moment--I have been right beside you, holding you. We have laid on the bathroom floor while you cried, and we have danced around your room while you laughed and sang. I have felt your heart break, and it breaks Mine, too. I am working it back together again, but it just takes time, because you have so much to learn about Me and My love for you. I need you to trust Me enough to let go. I promise I will not leave you. I cannot promise you that bad things will never happen again, but I do promise you that I am right there through it all, that you are always held, always seen, and always loved.

I cherish you, daughter, I call you “friend.” I delight in you. Precious daughter, hold on- fear not. My love will never leave you. You could never do anything that would change the absolute joy I find in you. I know that you will make mistakes, sometimes bigger than what you can fix, and I know you have regrets. Lay them on me, all of your burdens, and let me take them. Let me make you new again. My grace is abounding, never running out, and I want to give it to you.

 

Find your beauty and worth in me, not in the world. It will never matter if you meet their expectations or not. Look to Me, seek My face, and stay focused on what I have for you. You can never disappoint Me, because I have seen your entire life before time began… And still I love you- extravagantly, abundantly, wholly. I am all things: mother and father, sister and brother, friend, counselor, king… My list goes on to cover the entire universe. I am everything you need.

Love, Abba

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Thank you, precious girl, for taking the time to read this. I hope it has spoken to your heart, and that you feel the overwhelming love of Jesus all around you. Please save a copy of this letter, with your name inserted wherever you'd like, and keep it to read when you need to. Let these words speak truth over your life and your heart. You are wonderful. I would love to know how this letter has impacted you. You can leave a comment or contact me via Facebook or email.

I want to leave you with this playlist that I think goes nicely with this letter.

1. Leaving 99- Audio Adrenaline
2. You're not Alone- Meredith Andrews
3. You are For Me- Kari Jobe
4. Hold Me Jesus- Rich Mullins
5. How He Loves- David Crowder
6. Come As You Are- Crowder
7. Let It Be Jesus- Chris Tomlin
8. Jesus Loves Me- Christ Tomlin
9. Holy Spirit- Francesca Battistelli
10. Shoulders- For King & Country
11. Strong Enough- Stacie Orrico

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

"There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still."

Dearest daughter,

I know that you are struggling, and this is why you feel that I am not with you. You look around at your situation, and you let everything around you overwhelm you, so that you cannot see Me. The truth, darling, is that I am still here. I am as close as ever, sitting next to you in class, walking across campus with you, laughing alongside you as you enjoy a meal with friends. Can’t you see Me in these things? In being in college, at a university you told Me you would never be able to go to, or sitting around a table with good friends, people you told Me you would never find… And even if those things disappear, I am here, sweet girl, I am always here. There’s a song by Audio Adrenaline that talks about my devotion to you: “I’d leave 99, leave them all behind, to find you… for you alone,” so take heart, dear, because nothing can separate us.

 I know your biggest fear in this world is being unloved and forgotten; you are always so careful to be who you think others want you to be, because you fear that if you fail, they will say “I need space.” They will leave. They will ridicule you. You fear they will be laughing at you behind your back. I know you fear that people in your family will abandon you if you do not fit into their mold. I know you fear being removed from your extended family's love and consideration. Daughter, I know this has happened to you. I know this fear has been reality at some points. But this does not define you; it is not who you are. You are worthy of love. You are kind, gentle, joyful, intuitive, and brave. Your heart connects with the hurting and you would carry someone’s cross if it meant helping them. You think that smiling and laughing easily is a fault, but it’s how I made you. Your joy spreads to others; never be afraid to be joyful and to express your feelings. You have overcome many challenges, and you seek a deeper meaning than surface level in whatever you commit to. Those things bring wisdom.

Daughter, never be afraid to be yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. Stop thinking that everyone will hate you for being you. I created you, and My creation is beautiful, and it deserves to be treated as such. Treat yourself with the kindness and respect that you offer to others. Do not hide away for fear of judgment. I have brought you to where you are, and I would not bring you somewhere that would harm you. Trust Me, sweet girl. I’m so sorry this world has lied to you and left you feeling this way. I’m so sorry you feel vulnerable, unworthy, and forgotten. I need you now, though, to rise from that. I need you to be strong like I know you can be. I need you to speak up for yourself instead of shying away. Make your voice heard, because I have called you to a great plan, and I have made you a leader. I have made you for great things… Things you can’t even imagine. Do not forget that I finish what I start.

Overall, darling, remember that I am with you always, to the end of the age. I love you extravagantly, abundantly, and wholly. I see you, I know you, and I delight in you. You make me proud, joyful, and eager for what is to come. I am so amazed by the way you persevere and the way you love others. In your darkest moments—through every moment--I have been right beside you, holding you. We have laid on the bathroom floor while you cried, and we have danced around your room while you laughed and sang. I have felt your heart break, and it breaks Mine, too. I am working it back together again, but it just takes time, because you have so much to learn about Me and My love for you. I need you to trust Me enough to let go. I promise I will not leave you. I cannot promise you that bad things will never happen again, but I do promise you that I am right there through it all, that you are always held, always seen, and always loved.

I cherish you, daughter, I call you “friend.” I rejoice with your parents when they tell you that they love you, too. Even if it ends up that your parents are the only family who will embrace you, it is enough. I am enough. Do not fear that their love will leave you. I have created your family, I am working through them, and I love your parents just as I do you. I gave you to them because I know they will always love you. Do not hide away from them when you need them, because that is what family is for. We rejoice and we mourn together, and everything in between. Precious daughter, hold on- fear not. My love will never leave you. You could never do anything that would change the absolute joy I find in you. I know that you will make mistakes, sometimes bigger than what you can fix, and I know you have regrets. Lay them on me, all of your burdens, and let me take them. Let me make you new again. My grace is abounding, never running out, and I want to give it to you.

Find your beauty and worth in me, not in the world. It will never matter if you meet their expectations or not. Look to Me, seek My face, and stay focused on what I have for you. You can never disappoint Me, because I have seen your entire life before time began… And still I love you- extravagantly, abundantly, wholly. I am all things: mother and father, sister and brother, friend, counselor, king… My list goes on to cover the entire universe. I am everything you need.

Rest in My peace, grow in My grace, and abide in My love, dear.

-Abba

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

"I don't have time to maintain these regrets..."

Hello again! I've been working on several different posts recently, but I think this will be the one to make the cut. (:

FIRST- I'm going to shamelessly plug my sweet, caring, adorable baby brother's new blog.... Okay, so he's 17 and not so much a baby, but he'll always be six years old to me. It's just the way it is. He's certainly not going to be a senior in high school this year.

If you want to read some seriously fantastic stuff about human imperfection, God's love, being adventurous, and laugh along the way, check out his blog! (don't ask me why it has the name it does)

http://www.jonahsblogispoopoo.blogspot.com

Thanks!

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I can't believe it is already April. Looking back on my freshman year of college, it has absolutely flown by. I feel like October just happened, but here we are, just a few weeks away from May and the end of the school year. As finals approach and I have begun to attempt to make sense of how I will pack everything in my dorm into boxes to move out, there are a lot of thoughts and feelings I'm working through about my expectations for freshman year versus the reality I experienced.

I have so much more to learn in my time here. This year, simply adapting to the environment was a huge task. Professors ask entirely different things from students; I haven't had many classes match up in terms of how the professor conducted class and assigned tasks.

In all honesty, I have not been the shining star I expected myself to be this year. Nothing can really prepare you for the way college works. Sure, you can be prepared for the work load, and maybe even some of the material itself. It is quite impossible, however, to prepare for the independence beforehand. The key to surviving independence in college is to stay on top of it. Doing things you don't like is not fun, and in college, no one is there to make you do those things. Wasting time is effortless; being productive takes discipline and practice. You will not be perfect at it. You will fail multiple times, especially at first, but you have to remember to stay on top of it. When you fall off, get back on.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself these things. I have an annoying tendency to mix my independent nature with my perfectionist personality. Those are very dangerous for me when mixed; I found myself wanting to succeed in college all on my own, and eventually, almost completely giving up when I realized I couldn't do that. Last semester, I worked extremely hard to battle and overcome depression, anxiety, fear, and homesickness. Basically, I was a hot mess, and it took a lot of time and reminders that God is better at control than I am (shocker...) to find peace and assurance that I was going to be okay in college. Coming back for second semester, God did this great thing where I rushed this one sorority and they, like, asked me to be a member. It was pretty cool, and y'know, I love them a lot and stuff. (: I found a home in KXA and some amazing, wonderful friends who care for me and make life way more fun.

Although this semester has been great as far as finding my place with friends, academics are another story. I got stuck with a lot of classes I was less-than-enthused about, and instead of making a decision to work through it and make the best of things, I closed myself off and convinced myself I could do the bear minimum and still make it through the semester. After all, what I thought really mattered was that I had people to hang out with, and I was having fun. Eventually, the minimum turned into struggling to keep up, and worrying about being able to complete the class at all, and somehow, I ended up sitting in the parking lot of a mall tonight, crying hysterically, terrified to pick up the phone and call my dad to tell him that I might be a complete failure.

I felt so broken, so stupid, and so beyond reach. In that moment, I questioned whether I had permanently screwed up God's plan for me. I felt miserable; "I'm so sorry," I kept saying, over and over again. "I'm so sorry, so sorry... How could I have done this? This is not who I am..." and when I thought about the dreams my parents have for me, about all the times they tell me how proud they are, "I'm so sorry, so sorry, so sorry... How could I do this to you? You'll be so disappointed..." I finally gathered enough courage to text my dad and ask him to call me. Unfortunately, he was busy at the moment, and so another 30 minutes passed while I drove around Waco, my courage fading quickly. When my phone finally rang, I considered not even answering it. What was the point? I had done something so wrong, there was nothing my dad could do for me. It would only disappoint him to hear me admit that I had made a terrible decision and was now struggling in my classes. Talking to my dad, he (of course) did have help for me. There was no judgment in his voice, only love and wisdom. I don't have words for how lucky I am to have that kind of love in my life. I know for sure I don't deserve it.

In my moments of unbelief, of doubting the strength and love of my Jesus, I was still not alone. I was not forgotten, not abandoned, not beyond reach. I had not wandered out of sight or strayed so far that I was on my own. My struggles were not unseen, either, not overlooked. No matter how trivial they are in the grand scheme, they were counted, spoken for, and I am not held by them. They do not define me. Writing this now, a Gungor song is playing on Pandora, singing "You still have me. You have my heart completely. You have me, you have me..." That is so relevant- even though I felt like I was beyond reach of Jesus, He still has my heart. He still loves me beyond compare, beyond description and imagination... Beyond this world. He hold the entirety of my heart and soul, and He is moving within me.

Another one of my favorite songs right now is "I Am Not Alone" by Kari Jobe. "You will go before me, You will never leave me... In the midst of deep sorrow, I see Your light is breaking through. The dark of night will not overtake me, I am pressing into You. Lord you fight my every battle, and I will not fear. You amaze me, redeem me, You call me as your own. You have always been faithful. You bring healing to my soul." I love hearing this truth spoken over me. There is nothing I can do to separate myself from this love.

The clearest moment of Jesus reassuring me, though, came before I even felt broken. Last Wednesday, David Crowder came to Baylor to perform. I have loved Crowder for as long as I can remember; it was so awesome to be able to see him live! Although I found myself distracted frequently throughout his set by my schedule for the day, there was a moment during his song "How He Loves" that I distinctly felt God's presence urging me into worship. The lyrics said "We are His portion, and He is our prize... Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way [He loves us]..."

I am so glad I held on to those words for tonight. I don't have time to dwell on the mistakes I've made when I know that they have been forgiven and I do not proceed without hope. There is nothing more powerful than my Jesus, so why should I not believe that His good and perfect plan is still at work in my life? I did not do my best this semester, I did not make the right choice in my classes, but my life is not over. This is only the beginning. I have not ruined myself and all of my chances. He gives more grace than I could ever count.

So, maybe there is a part of your life right now where you are feeling broken, worn down, or beyond reach. It feels like there is no way you could bounce back... Do not believe that. Trust that God knows you are imperfect, you are flawed, and you are going to struggle at times. Trust that God's plan includes those times. There's no surprising God; you were known before you were conceived. Simply accept the grace that is offered to you and let healing begin to restore your brokenness. You are created for so much more than you know.

As most of you know, I volunteer with a Waco-based organization called Jesus Said Love. It has transformed my life and awakened a calling from God within me. Brett and Emily Mills, the founders and Co-CEOs of Jesus Said Love, visited Baylor's chapel recently, and Brett said "God has such a big plan for your life... So big it would blow your mind to hear all of it now... So be patient and receive the pieces God gives you along the way." I have a deep love and respect for Brett and Emily, and hearing such a big role model in my life speak that truth over me was incredible. So now, I pass it on to you. You are not alone, He still has your heart, you don't have time to focus only on regret... God has a huge plan for you.

"No longer am I held by the yoke of this world; come abound in the yoke of Jesus... His yoke is easy, and His burden is so light."



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

One year later.

March 20, 2014. The beginning of my last spring break of high school.

On this day, my family and I packed our bags and began a journey down to Waco, Texas. I had been accepted to Baylor University, with a sizeable scholarship, and my parents insisted that I visit before I throw out the option of attending. As we left that day, my heart was hard and my mind was made up- I hated Baylor. I hated Texas. I hated college. I did not want anything to do with any of them, but rather, wanted to enjoy my senior year stress-free, and continue to live at home and attend a community college in the fall.

The drive down was relatively smooth. We didn't even talk about Baylor very much. We had secured a spot in a campus tour thanks to my dad, who had called and used his impeccable people skills to persuade them to open a few extra spots on the "sold-out" tours. I was nervous the entire night before the tour, my head wrestling with my heart, but neither allowing God to speak to them.

I used to be someone who's life was ruled by fear. I was constantly afraid of something bad happening. I couldn't take any chances because someone might see, someone might laugh, or I might fail or be uncomfortable. I hid in the background instead of having any fun. I lived in constant fear of judgment and teasing by my peers. If I knew I had to interact with them, I would lie awake all night stressing about it. Many of my friendships were formed around people who only furthered my fear; we were friends because I allowed them to use and manipulate me. I was afraid that if I didn't, I would have no friends. I did have some friends who weren't like this, and they were wonderful friends to me. They encouraged me to push forward and be strong, and though I didn't listen to them in high school, they should know that I am remembering their advice every day now.

I used to be someone who's life was ruled by doubt. Especially as a little girl, I remember feeling like God did not see me. I often thought about my future and assumed I would always live in the small town I grew up in, graduate high school, get married, and raise children. That was the most I ever saw for my future; some days, I didn't even see that much happening. When we moved away from the small town, and I changed schools, my doubts increased. I began to doubt that God saw anyone in my family. I doubted that there was any worth of value within me. I saw myself as ugly, stupid, and worthless, and that's how I let people treat me. I spent junior high eating lunch in a classroom or the bathroom. I would cry myself to sleep every night. I thought that I was beyond all hope of ever being anything besides worthless.

I used to be someone who's life was ruled by shame. I have always had an extremely guilty conscience. As a little girl, when I saw others doing something wrong, or had done it myself, I would make myself sick over how bad it was. I was often the "tattle-tale" because I couldn't stand the guilt and shame of knowing that a wrong had been done. I also struggled with the idea of forgiveness and peace. My family attended a church for a few years when I was in elementary school that liked to teach children that they were very bad, and would always be very bad, and should feel ashamed for how bad they were in the sight of God. Many of their puppet skits included children being punished by their parents, and they would say "this is God punishing you because you have made God very, very mad." One particular morning, my Sunday school teacher told me that my entire family was bad and had made God angry because we had skipped church the previous week. She also told me that she knew that when I worshiped God, I was faking it, and that I would be sent to hell if I did not correct my behavior. These words rooted themselves in my heart, and took a very long time to dig out. I constantly felt the weight of every sin I was guilty of. I did not see how God could ever wholly forgive me. It became easy to sin because I believed that it was already too late for me to be forgiven.

Overall, I used to be someone who's life was simply not ruled by God. All of my years of fear, doubt and shame piled on top of me until I could no longer bear the burden. Walking across Baylor's campus for the first time, I felt every bit of that weight crushing me, pulling me down, holding me back. It had swallowed me whole, and I was unrecognizable to even myself. However, despite my fear, despite my doubt, and despite my shame, God took hold of me that day and began to pull the burdens away from me. At first, I clung to them, terrified of what it would look like to live without them. As miserable as they were, they had become my comfort zone, and part of me did not want to heal. Thankfully, God did not care that I was afraid. There was nothing new about that. It had to be obvious that this would be a hard task, because I was deeply rooted in the very things that separate humanity from God.

During the summer after graduation and throughout my first semester at Baylor, God continued to wrestle with me, fighting me to surrender control and allow healing to begin. I fought with everything I had, and became angry that I was struggling so much. Finally, though, I could not struggle anymore. I had reached the bottom, and there was nowhere else to run. I had to surrender, and give up my control, and allow God to strip me of everything I thought I needed to survive.

God has been so good to heal me, to bring me peace and courage during this time, and to take away my fear, doubt, and shame so completely that trying to return to them feels unnatural and awkward. As I walked across campus to class this morning, March 20, 2015, I am an entirely different girl than the one who walked this same path just one year ago. I am free from the burdens that weighed me down and stole my life from me. I can live in courage, confidence, and peace knowing that I am cherished, loved, and redeemed.




-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

I've been lovin' you since day one.

I have a guilty pleasure in reading "letters to my future husband" posts. Though absolutely cheesy, and definitely personal, they are filled with love and joy, and I rather enjoy them. So, in all of it's cheesy, cliché, sappy glory- here is mine.

It's a weird feeling to write to someone that you do not yet know, while understanding that when you do know them, you will know all of them- their past, their present, and their desires for the future. You will know what they look like at 2am, what they're most afraid of, how they make their coffee... You will learn their routine to the point of being a vital part of it, and you will understand what it feels like to sit in someone's presence and feel incredible love without speaking or touching. That is powerful. That is incredible.

While we do not know the people who will be in our lives until they are already there, when it comes to a spouse, I think everyone has a few things they are sure of. You know the kind of person your heart desires- their values, beliefs, goals, and interests. For me, my desire is to marry my best friend: someone who can love my soul more than anything. Someone who knows that I often wake up at 5am to worry about silly things, who understands why I need time to sit by myself and process my day, someone who knows that I am perpetually late... and doesn't judge me for it. Someone who can laugh with me when we realize, in the middle of a fight, how stupid we sound. Someone who can tolerate my love for the Dixie Chicks, sushi, and 80's/90's chick flicks. Someone who loves waking up on Saturday and planning a road trip in 15 minutes as much as I do.

With all of that being said- I hope that in writing this, I write to that person.

Dear husband,
We're already a solid three paragraphs into this, and (I hope) you've probably already laughed at me at least once. Even though you are undoubtedly brilliant, there are a few things that I want you to know, or to remind you of, in case you've forgotten.

1. I freakin' love you. I hope that's obvious, but I'm still going to say it over and over. Your life is a gift to me. You bring me so much joy and passion. Life with you is a constant reminder of God's grace and love for humanity. You make everything an adventure, and I'm so excited for both the good and the bad to shape us, grow us, and bring us closer to God and each other.

2. I'm probably not really that mad at you (most of the time). I'm always working on patience and forgiveness. When we fight, please pray for me that God would soften my heart and that I would be quick to seek resolution. I'm doing the same for you, because I believe that we respect each other enough to not let any conflict divide us.

3. Please understand that I don't expect you to always be strong. This is probably the most important one. Please, please know that we are a team- sharing the load equally. I am just as capable as supporting you as you are of me, and I want to. I know that there will be days, maybe even weeks when life is overwhelming and you are struggling to hear God's voice in the midst of your trials. Let me be there to hold you, to lift you up, to pray over you and to speak words of wisdom and encouragement. Give me your burdens, and I'll give you mine, and we'll never have to carry them alone.

4. A soft answer turns away wrath. I have heard that all of my life, and I sincerely hope that it is something that is grounded into your soul. In any situation, I pray that you are quick to find peace and comfort before you speak. Especially to our children- they are watching you, are learning from you, and are continually seeking your approval. They will make mistakes, sometimes bigger than you can imagine, but please remember that your response can either build them up or tear them down. I pray that you find mercy in all of our trials as a family.

5. Our kids' gender does not define them. I just cannot stress this enough. It weighs heavy on my heart most of the time. If our son would like to take dance classes, finds joy in teddy bears, and cannot find it in his heart to play games with violence, please embrace that. Celebrate the unique, wonderfully-made gift that God has given us in him. Do not force him into "manly" things, but encourage him in his gifts and talents, and be his biggest fan at whatever he decides to do. If our daughter abandons tiaras and Barbies for nerf guns and hot wheels, if she begs to be placed on the football team, please embrace that as well. Celebrate the unique, wonderfully-made gift that God has given us in her. Do not tell her that being a girl limits her, that she is too loud or aggressive, but encourage her in her gifts and talents, and be an advocate for her in a world that will tell her she is the lesser gender. For all of our children, no matter their gender, be consistent to tell them that expressing their emotions, being strong and courageous, and being firm in their faith and convictions is beautiful. Do not make them aware of limits, but of their ability to push past any obstacle they might face. Tell them every day that you love them exactly as they are, and that God loves them extravagantly, abundantly, and unconditionally, forever.

6. Love yourself. You are created out of divine inspiration. molded from the image of God, with God-given gifts and talents that are limitless within God's plan for you. You are human; do not ever be afraid to be fully human. There is beauty in imperfection, and without it, there is no need for God's love and grace. Be confident even in failure. Be humble and seek wisdom. Be passionate. Your calling in life is up to you to carry out. You can do amazing things. In our culture, it is popular to appear unattached; do not fall for that crap. Attach yourself to whatever it is you want, and go for it with all you have. Never be held back by worldly limitations. Speak truth over them that God is in control, and move past them. I believe in you!!!! I am so proud of you, and so delighted to be able to witness your growth and accomplishments.

7. Love others. We live in a big world filled with people who need love. All of God's creation is equal; no man is better than another, for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I pray that your eyes are opened to the beauty of living in love. Hate cannot drive out hate, and God's thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are God's ways our ways. Do not let the multitude of people around us who live in hatred influence you, but be a light to them. In the Kingdom of God, there is no "us and them," only "us."

8. Talk to my dad. He is one of my most favorite people in the world. He is funny, caring, trustworthy, loyal, and hard-working. He will pray for you, he will love you, and he will care for you. There is so much to learn from him. I pray that you will find friendship with him like I have.

9. Love my mom. She is beautiful, brilliant, hard-working, trustworthy, and brilliant (again). She is my best friend. She will laugh and cry with you. She is such a joy. She sometimes needs an extra push to find her adventurous side, so be an encouragement to her. This is the woman who raised me- always give her your respect.

10. Be friends with my brother. This pain-in-the-butt is one of my best friends, and he's a pretty incredible person. Find his passions and be as delighted as I am in hearing him speak about them. Encourage him, confide in him, earn his trust. He is your brother, too, and you have the responsibility of being an example to him. I am always protective over him- join me in that act of love and help me to build him up. Someday, you'll probably want his autograph for some amazing scientific/technological genius breakthrough... just sayin'.

10. Love God. Okay, here's the most important one. I pray that you are as passionate in your devotion to God as I am. We can walk together, and pick each other up when one stumbles. Pray with me, not just for me, and always share your thoughts about God with me. Confide in me when you struggle and when you triumph in your faith. Be wholeheartedly devoted to sharing in the love and grace that was given to us by the cross. Be an example for our family, friends, and community of what it looks like to be in love with Jesus. Do not be afraid to be imperfect, and accept grace when you fall short. Learn forgiveness as a first instinct. Never allow worldly limits to hinder your trust in God. Always believe that greater things have yet to come, and that God is in control.

I am praying for you, I am talking with God about you and about how excited I am to know you and love you. I am learning how to love you. I am seeking God so that my heart will be prepared to commit to you and to experience the beauty of sacrificial love.

I've been lovin' you since day one. We're gonna rock this. It's gonna be incredible.
Sincerely, your wife (...that's weird to say),
Kelsey



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

The Full Range of Humanity

Happy Monday! It's freezing cold and icy here (but don't worry, we still have classes. Just not any other college or public school. #BaylorStandard). I'm really excited about this post. I've had it in the back of my mind for a while, but everything has been so busy I haven't had time until now to sit down and actually write it. Excuse the mess it will be, but it's something that I am very passionate about.

I spend a lot of time thinking about humanity, cultures, societal expectations, and gender differences. There seems to be a lot of "rules" today for men and women, and how they are supposed to act to stand apart from one another. It's no secret that gender inequality is a huge issue. I wish we knew when it all started; when we moved away from God's intent of human behavior and accepted (especially within the church) these new ideas of masculinity and femininity. More than that, I wish we knew how large the effect is of these "rules" on children.

My senior year of high school I got to help teach a kindergarten class. For one class period, I would drive over to the K-1 and spend 90 minutes with 27 of my best friends in Ms. Howard's class. Some days we had recess, some days we had music class, and some days we had individual tutoring. Some days I helped with Ms. Howard's lessons, and some days I taught my own. One day a week, I would arrive just as my class was being escorted from P.E. to music. On one day in particular, a female gym teacher was walking the class down the hallway. I followed behind the line of adorable 5-6 year olds, receiving hugs, waves, and "Ms. Kelsey!!!"'s as they noticed me (these memories are still some of my favorite). As they walked on this day, though, I was stunned at the gym teacher's words for her kindergarten students. "I am so disappointed," she began, "today you boys played the game like girls. That was so embarrassing, and you should be ashamed. When the girls can do better than you, that's bad." Embarrassing? Excuse me? She clearly hadn't paid attention to the girls in the class, especially Lorelai, who could have beat any boy in her class at any sport. Beyond the obvious falsity of her statement, I was hurt for my kids. I was hurt for the girls, who had just heard that to be like them was embarrassing, and I was hurt for the boys, who had just been told they weren't good enough. Maybe I'm wrong, but I never thought Kindergarten P.E. was that serious.

I've spent a lot of time working with elementary kids in after-school programs, and I love them. Maybe that makes me crazy, but I'll accept it. They're worth the stress and chaos. I'm convinced that there is no other age group who can love quite like them. I've received countless handmade gifts (including a painted clay bowl for Mother's Day, because I was that level of important), been asked to birthday parties, sleepovers, and class presentations, and I've been hugged at least two million times. I am always amazed at the sincerity of their love and trust. Just by being there every day, I earned their trust enough that I could ask them for updates on problems they'd been having. Remembering that they had struggled and making the effort to follow through with them was so important.

I never imagined any of the kids I would work with would say "Miss Kelsey, will you come to my school play/show-and-tell/D.A.R.E. graduation?" and genuinely want me to be there to see them. Senior year, I got the chance to go to a D.A.R.E. graduation and see some of my 5th graders, and that was really special. One boy in particular, a trouble maker in the program, had no one else come to see him. We didn't always get along, mostly because our interactions were usually him getting in trouble for acting out, but that didn't mean that I didn't care for him.

He's a young boy in a tough world, where boys are expected to be alpha-males, to be strong physically and mentally, to never be emotional or weak. On top of those expectations, he was living in a home with a single mom and a younger brother. You could see the pressure he faced just by looking at him- to be the definition of masculinity for his mom and brother. That day at D.A.R.E. graduation, he wasn't supposed to be hurt by the fact that no one had come to see him. When his friends gathered around to point out their families in the crowd, he wasn't supposed to feel left out. And when I saw him looking around, desperately searching for at least one person he knew, and then finally seeing me waving at him, he wasn't supposed to be excited. And he wasn't- until the next day at program, when he quietly walked over to me and mumbled "uhh, I saw you at my graduation yesterday." to which I replied, "I know, I came to see you and the other kids. You did a really good job." he nodded and said "yeah, my mom forgot, but it was cool that you came." He smiled and walked away, off to most likely steal a kindergartener's toy or dump his water on a girl. But for a moment, we had a breakthrough- he was allowed to drop the act and be vulnerable, to tell me that it meant something to him to have support.

That is what I want for his generation. I want them to be surrounded by adults as they grow up who will offer them a safe space to be human. If we can do that, maybe they will grow into adults who not only provide a safe space for their children, but who are examples of living beyond stereotypes and limitations on a daily basis. I don't want my son to ever feel like he can't be upset or weak, and I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she must make herself small or be passive in her dreams. I want my children to know that God has created them so brilliantly- they are both mountains and valleys, able to overcome and stand above the rest, but also able to lay down and be still. To say that girls are limited or lesser is to insult the power of God, and to say that boys are emotionless and always strong is to insult the mercy and grace of God. We are created to do great things, but we are not created to be perfect- we must lean on God, not ourselves, to accomplish anything.

My prayer is that the kids I have worked with, who are now entering middle school and junior high, are growing up with safe spaces. I need them to be role models for my children someday, so they can see that fully living means to be unashamed to experience the full range of humanity, both strength and weakness. There is beauty in both, and true success in life cannot be achieved without experience of both. Beyond spirituality, it is physically and mentally healthy to experience the full range. It breaks my heart to see stories in the news of boys committing suicide because they didn't feel masculine enough- strong, emotionless, and overbearing; and of girls committing suicide because they didn't feel feminine enough- delicate, pretty, and quiet.

There is freedom in Jesus that comes from looking to Him rather than society for how you should live. There is joy in living beyond stereotypes and knowing that you are reaching your full potential.



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

Mark Schultz, C.S. Lewis, and I...

"Then she heard a gentle voice, like an echo from above... 'I have been there; I know what pain is all about. Yes, I have been there- and I'm standing with you now. Oh, I have been there, and I came to build the bridges of this road that will lead you home."

Fear, pain, and sorrow. Three things that Mark Schultz mentions in his song "I Have Been There," when referring to the things Jesus has experienced alongside these people.

There really isn't a whole lot for me to post today, but today was my day to update, so I wanted to stay on track.

Do you ever have those days where everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, all at once, and you just feel like there's nothing you want to do but lay in bed and forget that anything exists?

That's today. That's this week. So many blessings have been happening, and now the enemy comes in to try to steal them. I'm working on not letting that happen. God's peace is reality, not the trials I'm facing.

Originally, I had no interest in 50 Shades of Grey, just saw it as another sex movie that many women were using to create a "holier than thou" competition out of. But as I read more and more about it, I understood a deeper meaning than the sex in it. A lot of what I study and hope to do with my life is to be a voice to victims of abuse that the media DOES have an influence on what our society condones and supports, and have an impact on that. The "Like A Girl" campaign is a great example- they have begun to turn a negative, demeaning phrase into a positive, empowering slogan for women everywhere, of all ages and walks of life, to find a place within. 50 Shades works the other way. It takes sex and female empowerment and warps them into a very scary picture. The girl in the book does not consent to everything that happens, and the man is a controlling, manipulative, abusive man who is now hailed by women everywhere as the perfect man. "He's rich, powerful, in control..." Okay, so take away his money and good looks. Now is he still so perfect? No- most women would describe him as a creep. But I digress.

The point is that I am working hard towards my goal. I want to spend my life being a voice and being part of a movement that reshapes how the media portrays women, victims, and people in general. The media is the biggest influence on my generation. They tell us what to think, and for the most part, we say "okay!" and move along to the next thing. We are desensitized. Girls as young as age eight have eating disorders. Half of girls age eleven report being on a diet. Every woman can say that she's seen something in the media that made her feel seriously bad about herself. The same goes for men, too. Men are supposed to be emotionless, extremely physically strong, and are supposed to be in a constant top-dog battle. It's a web that we al become tangled in. I want to change that. The media only gets to say/do these things because it sells. They make money off of it. So imagine if they didn't- if we stood up and said, "hey! That's not true and it makes us feel bad so we aren't going to listen to it." They would have no choice eventually but to say, "okay, so what DO you want?" Because what THEY want is to make money. There is a problem, and there is a solution.

So even on a terrible day like today, I am working on my goals. I am remembering that God has me here for a reason, that I am valued and worthy and loved, and that I am not alone. I'm struggling, yes but I'm not giving up. I am pushing forward.

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." -C.S. Lewis



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

Shepherd and Counselor; Faith and Contentment

Matthew 6:25-27 says "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air' they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

The answer to that question is no. Worrying is not of God. At no point in the Bible does someone ask God what to do and receive an answer of "Well, you should probably worry, because that seems like a pretty big problem." Not even Adam and Eve, when they lose the garden, Not Mary, when she must carry and deliver the son of God, not Moses, when he frees the slaves, not Abraham and Sarah, when they ask for a child, not Noah, when the Earth floods, not Jonah, Ruth and Naomi, Mary and Martha, or any of the disciples... Not anyone in the Bible is told by God to worry. These people all faced some pretty life-changing problems and events. Imagine being responsible for the fall of man, being the mother of Jesus, being 100 years old and pregnant, or even living in a time when Christianity was so illegal that they fed you to lions for professing it-- I feel like I would worry a bit about those things if I encountered them. In fact, thinking about those problems makes all of my problems suddenly seem, well, not so problematic.

One of my favorite women in history is Perpetua. She lived during a time when Christians were being executed lion's-lunch style. Perpetua had just given birth to a little boy and was still nursing at the time she was brought before the leaders to either profess or deny her faith. Before she begins to speak, her father approaches her and begs her to renounce Christianity so she can come home to her child. He tells her that without her nursing, her baby boy will likely die. Perpetua knows that there is no hope for her being spared from death if she admits to being a Christian, yet she also knows there is no hope for her soul if she walks away from God. She chooses to trust God's plan and tells her father, "Do you see this vessel lying here... a little pitcher... Can it be called by any other name than what it is? Nor can I call myself anything other than what I am, a Christian."

Her father gets so angry that he abandons her. Perpetua spends the next few days seeking God and praying over the calling for her life. She prays that God would save her baby, and not long after, the child is brought to her so she can nurse him. However, the child rejects it, and though she has not nursed in weeks, Perpetua feels no pain. She glorifies God in her martyrdom, never worrying about whether her child will be cared for, because she knows that her God is more powerful than any Earthly force, and though they can separate child from mother, they cannot separate child from God. She also does not worry about her own life, because she trusts in God's will for her.

Worry is unhelpful, unreasonable, and unhealthy. We just started a new series in church, and last Sunday, worry was the topic. I loved the quote we heard from Dr. Charles Mayo, "You can't worry yourself to life, but you can worry yourself to death."

One of the biggest things I struggle with is control. Worry stems from wanting to have control over things that are out of your hands. Faith and worry are not compatible. If you trust God's will, you cannot simultaneously worry about your life. When you worry, what you are really saying is "God, I don't trust you. I want to control my own life because I don't think you will provide for me."

Thankfully, we have a God who ignores that ridiculous behavior, and guides us anyways.

Psalm 23 says that "God is MY shepherd...." not a shepherd, or the shepherd, but mine and yours. What does a shepherd do? He tends for sheep. We are the sheep in this- and sheep need a shepherd to survive. As far as animals go, I'm fairly sure sheep are at the bottom of the "self-survival" list. They have almost zero instinct to protect themselves, and the sad part is, they don't even know it. That's a good comparison to humans. We think we can do it, but we just can't. We spend so much time saying "This is what my heart wants, I want to be happy, I have a plan, etc..." but we forget to stop and ask what God has for us. God's plans are always so much better than our own. When we try to live for ourselves and for our own gain, we not only usually fail, but we miss out on many wonderful experiences that can only be reached when we live within God's will. I know so many people, especially people my age, who think they are living their best life by doing whatever they want to do, whatever comes their way and looks like it could bring happiness/contentment. The problem with that, though, is that contentment cannot be brought through things. It is formed through whatever we already have along with trust that God will keep us where we need to be. When you try to do your own thing, you almost guarantee that you will end up worrying about things. It's an endless cycle that gets you nowhere.

As sheep, that's all we can do on our own- live in a cycle of worry and failure. However, when we let our shepherd guide us, we can break the cycle and begin to live a truly fulfilling life. We discussed four things that our shepherd does in church:
1. He provides,
2. He protects,
3. He directs, and
4. He guides.
There is a difference between directing and guiding. To direct is to stay in one position while giving directions to another. Think of a time you were lost somewhere and asked for directions- the person most likely just gave you street names or landmarks to follow. Guiding involves going along, leading the way- like a tour guide.

So, to summarize: we shouldn't worry. God's good and perfect will never fails. When the universe was created, every human to ever walk the earth was formed in God's plan, and every breath we take is recorded before we are even born. Thinking about that amazes me- to know a God who literally has already seen every act of your lifetime, but who loves you extravagantly anyways.

Before I close, I should say that there are two things we should be worrying about:
1. Trying to shepherd our own life, and
2. Trying to save and forgive ourselves.
Why would we ever want to be our own shepherd when we have no idea what tomorrow holds? Especially when there is a shepherd who does know and is willing to take us in as soon as we call. Secondly, we simply cannot save or forgive ourselves. It doesn't work that way- not even in Earthly things. If you were to rob a bank, get caught, and stand before a judge, you could not say "Oh, wait! You should know that I have already forgiven myself." and get away with the robbery. You cannot live for yourself. The human heart is not to be trusted. You may acquire short-term gratification from living your own way, but you will never find true happiness apart from God.

Listen, you are so abundantly loved. The Bible tells us that nothing can ever separate us from this extravagant love. Jesus' love for us is so limitless that He endured the worst pain you could ever imagine. "You took the fall, and thought of me above all." Live in this love and trust in this promise.



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20