Precious Sons...

My precious son [your name here],

I know that you are struggling, and this is why you feel that I am not with you. You look around at your situation, and you let everything around you overwhelm you, so that you cannot see Me. The truth, though, is that I am still here. I am as close as ever, sitting next to you in class and at work, riding in your car, enjoying good times with your friends, and pursuing daily goals. Even if those things disappear, I am here, precious son, I am always here. There’s a song by Audio Adrenaline that talks about my devotion to you: “I’d leave 99, leave them all behind, to find you… for you alone,” so take heart, because nothing can separate us.

I know that sometimes your fears far outweigh your peace. You fear failure, rejection, and a long list of other possibilities. Son, I know that you have experienced pain. I know that some of your fears have become reality at different points. But this does not define you; it is not who you are. You are worthy of love. You are kind, gentle, joyful, intuitive, and brave. You sometimes think that smiling and laughing easily is a fault, that it makes you look silly or odd, but it’s how I made you. Your joy spreads to others; never be afraid to be joyful and to express your feelings. You have overcome many challenges, and you seek a deeper meaning than surface level in whatever you commit to. Those things bring wisdom.

Son, never be afraid to be fully yourself and fully human. There is nothing wrong with that. Stop thinking that everyone will hate you for being you. Do not turn off part of yourself because it is not "manly." I created you, and My creation is beautiful, and it deserves to be treated as such. Treat yourself with the kindness and respect that you offer to others. Do not hide away for fear of judgment. I did not create you simply for physical appearance- My plans are much more extravagant than that. I have brought you to where you are, and I would not bring you somewhere that would harm you. Trust Me, dearest son. I’m so sorry this world has lied to you and left you feeling this way. I’m so sorry you feel vulnerable, unworthy, and forgotten. I need you now, though, to rise from that. I need you to be strong like I know you can be. I need you to speak up for yourself instead of shying away. Make your voice heard, because I have called you to a great plan, and I have made you a leader. I have made you for great things… Things you can’t even imagine. Do not forget that I finish what I start.

Overall, remember that I am with you always, to the end of the age. I love you extravagantly, abundantly, and wholly. I see you, I know you, and I delight in you. You make me proud, joyful, and eager for what is to come. I am so amazed by the way you persevere and the way you love others. In your darkest moments—through every moment--I have been right beside you, holding you. We have sat silently on your bed while you unsuccessfully willed tears away, and we have boasted laughter and excitement when you succeed. I have felt your heart break, and it breaks Mine, too. I am working it back together again, but it just takes time, because you have so much to learn about Me and My love for you. I need you to trust Me enough to let go. I promise I will not leave you. I cannot promise you that bad things will never happen again, but I do promise you that I am right there through it all, that you are always held, always seen, and always loved.

I cherish you, son, I call you “friend.” I delight in you. Dearest son, hold on- fear not. My love will never leave you. You could never do anything that would change the absolute joy I find in you. I know that you will make mistakes, sometimes bigger than what you can fix, and I know you have regrets. Lay them on me, all of your burdens, and let me take them. Let me make you new again. My grace is abounding, never running out, and I want to give it to you.

 

Find your success and worth in me, not in the world. It will never matter if you meet their expectations or not. Look to Me, seek My face, and stay focused on what I have for you. You can never disappoint Me, because I have seen your entire life before time began… And still I love you- extravagantly, abundantly, wholly. I am all things: mother and father, sister and brother, friend, counselor, king… My list goes on to cover the entire universe. I am everything you need.

Love, Abba

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Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it has spoken to your heart, and that you feel the overwhelming love of Jesus all around you. Please save a copy of this letter, with your name inserted wherever you'd like, and keep it to read when you need to. Let these words speak truth over your life and your heart. You are wonderful. I would love to know how this letter has impacted you. You can leave a comment or contact me via Facebook or email.

I want to leave you with this playlist that I think goes nicely with this letter.

1. Leaving 99- Audio Adrenaline
2. You're not Alone- Meredith Andrews
3. You are For Me- Kari Jobe
4. Hold Me Jesus- Rich Mullins
5. How He Loves- David Crowder
6. Come As You Are- Crowder
7. Let It Be Jesus- Chris Tomlin
8. Jesus Loves Me- Christ Tomlin
9. Holy Spirit- Francesca Battistelli
10. Shoulders- For King & Country
11. Strong Enough- Stacie Orrico

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

"I don't have time to maintain these regrets..."

Hello again! I've been working on several different posts recently, but I think this will be the one to make the cut. (:

FIRST- I'm going to shamelessly plug my sweet, caring, adorable baby brother's new blog.... Okay, so he's 17 and not so much a baby, but he'll always be six years old to me. It's just the way it is. He's certainly not going to be a senior in high school this year.

If you want to read some seriously fantastic stuff about human imperfection, God's love, being adventurous, and laugh along the way, check out his blog! (don't ask me why it has the name it does)

http://www.jonahsblogispoopoo.blogspot.com

Thanks!

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I can't believe it is already April. Looking back on my freshman year of college, it has absolutely flown by. I feel like October just happened, but here we are, just a few weeks away from May and the end of the school year. As finals approach and I have begun to attempt to make sense of how I will pack everything in my dorm into boxes to move out, there are a lot of thoughts and feelings I'm working through about my expectations for freshman year versus the reality I experienced.

I have so much more to learn in my time here. This year, simply adapting to the environment was a huge task. Professors ask entirely different things from students; I haven't had many classes match up in terms of how the professor conducted class and assigned tasks.

In all honesty, I have not been the shining star I expected myself to be this year. Nothing can really prepare you for the way college works. Sure, you can be prepared for the work load, and maybe even some of the material itself. It is quite impossible, however, to prepare for the independence beforehand. The key to surviving independence in college is to stay on top of it. Doing things you don't like is not fun, and in college, no one is there to make you do those things. Wasting time is effortless; being productive takes discipline and practice. You will not be perfect at it. You will fail multiple times, especially at first, but you have to remember to stay on top of it. When you fall off, get back on.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself these things. I have an annoying tendency to mix my independent nature with my perfectionist personality. Those are very dangerous for me when mixed; I found myself wanting to succeed in college all on my own, and eventually, almost completely giving up when I realized I couldn't do that. Last semester, I worked extremely hard to battle and overcome depression, anxiety, fear, and homesickness. Basically, I was a hot mess, and it took a lot of time and reminders that God is better at control than I am (shocker...) to find peace and assurance that I was going to be okay in college. Coming back for second semester, God did this great thing where I rushed this one sorority and they, like, asked me to be a member. It was pretty cool, and y'know, I love them a lot and stuff. (: I found a home in KXA and some amazing, wonderful friends who care for me and make life way more fun.

Although this semester has been great as far as finding my place with friends, academics are another story. I got stuck with a lot of classes I was less-than-enthused about, and instead of making a decision to work through it and make the best of things, I closed myself off and convinced myself I could do the bear minimum and still make it through the semester. After all, what I thought really mattered was that I had people to hang out with, and I was having fun. Eventually, the minimum turned into struggling to keep up, and worrying about being able to complete the class at all, and somehow, I ended up sitting in the parking lot of a mall tonight, crying hysterically, terrified to pick up the phone and call my dad to tell him that I might be a complete failure.

I felt so broken, so stupid, and so beyond reach. In that moment, I questioned whether I had permanently screwed up God's plan for me. I felt miserable; "I'm so sorry," I kept saying, over and over again. "I'm so sorry, so sorry... How could I have done this? This is not who I am..." and when I thought about the dreams my parents have for me, about all the times they tell me how proud they are, "I'm so sorry, so sorry, so sorry... How could I do this to you? You'll be so disappointed..." I finally gathered enough courage to text my dad and ask him to call me. Unfortunately, he was busy at the moment, and so another 30 minutes passed while I drove around Waco, my courage fading quickly. When my phone finally rang, I considered not even answering it. What was the point? I had done something so wrong, there was nothing my dad could do for me. It would only disappoint him to hear me admit that I had made a terrible decision and was now struggling in my classes. Talking to my dad, he (of course) did have help for me. There was no judgment in his voice, only love and wisdom. I don't have words for how lucky I am to have that kind of love in my life. I know for sure I don't deserve it.

In my moments of unbelief, of doubting the strength and love of my Jesus, I was still not alone. I was not forgotten, not abandoned, not beyond reach. I had not wandered out of sight or strayed so far that I was on my own. My struggles were not unseen, either, not overlooked. No matter how trivial they are in the grand scheme, they were counted, spoken for, and I am not held by them. They do not define me. Writing this now, a Gungor song is playing on Pandora, singing "You still have me. You have my heart completely. You have me, you have me..." That is so relevant- even though I felt like I was beyond reach of Jesus, He still has my heart. He still loves me beyond compare, beyond description and imagination... Beyond this world. He hold the entirety of my heart and soul, and He is moving within me.

Another one of my favorite songs right now is "I Am Not Alone" by Kari Jobe. "You will go before me, You will never leave me... In the midst of deep sorrow, I see Your light is breaking through. The dark of night will not overtake me, I am pressing into You. Lord you fight my every battle, and I will not fear. You amaze me, redeem me, You call me as your own. You have always been faithful. You bring healing to my soul." I love hearing this truth spoken over me. There is nothing I can do to separate myself from this love.

The clearest moment of Jesus reassuring me, though, came before I even felt broken. Last Wednesday, David Crowder came to Baylor to perform. I have loved Crowder for as long as I can remember; it was so awesome to be able to see him live! Although I found myself distracted frequently throughout his set by my schedule for the day, there was a moment during his song "How He Loves" that I distinctly felt God's presence urging me into worship. The lyrics said "We are His portion, and He is our prize... Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way [He loves us]..."

I am so glad I held on to those words for tonight. I don't have time to dwell on the mistakes I've made when I know that they have been forgiven and I do not proceed without hope. There is nothing more powerful than my Jesus, so why should I not believe that His good and perfect plan is still at work in my life? I did not do my best this semester, I did not make the right choice in my classes, but my life is not over. This is only the beginning. I have not ruined myself and all of my chances. He gives more grace than I could ever count.

So, maybe there is a part of your life right now where you are feeling broken, worn down, or beyond reach. It feels like there is no way you could bounce back... Do not believe that. Trust that God knows you are imperfect, you are flawed, and you are going to struggle at times. Trust that God's plan includes those times. There's no surprising God; you were known before you were conceived. Simply accept the grace that is offered to you and let healing begin to restore your brokenness. You are created for so much more than you know.

As most of you know, I volunteer with a Waco-based organization called Jesus Said Love. It has transformed my life and awakened a calling from God within me. Brett and Emily Mills, the founders and Co-CEOs of Jesus Said Love, visited Baylor's chapel recently, and Brett said "God has such a big plan for your life... So big it would blow your mind to hear all of it now... So be patient and receive the pieces God gives you along the way." I have a deep love and respect for Brett and Emily, and hearing such a big role model in my life speak that truth over me was incredible. So now, I pass it on to you. You are not alone, He still has your heart, you don't have time to focus only on regret... God has a huge plan for you.

"No longer am I held by the yoke of this world; come abound in the yoke of Jesus... His yoke is easy, and His burden is so light."



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

Mark Schultz, C.S. Lewis, and I...

"Then she heard a gentle voice, like an echo from above... 'I have been there; I know what pain is all about. Yes, I have been there- and I'm standing with you now. Oh, I have been there, and I came to build the bridges of this road that will lead you home."

Fear, pain, and sorrow. Three things that Mark Schultz mentions in his song "I Have Been There," when referring to the things Jesus has experienced alongside these people.

There really isn't a whole lot for me to post today, but today was my day to update, so I wanted to stay on track.

Do you ever have those days where everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, all at once, and you just feel like there's nothing you want to do but lay in bed and forget that anything exists?

That's today. That's this week. So many blessings have been happening, and now the enemy comes in to try to steal them. I'm working on not letting that happen. God's peace is reality, not the trials I'm facing.

Originally, I had no interest in 50 Shades of Grey, just saw it as another sex movie that many women were using to create a "holier than thou" competition out of. But as I read more and more about it, I understood a deeper meaning than the sex in it. A lot of what I study and hope to do with my life is to be a voice to victims of abuse that the media DOES have an influence on what our society condones and supports, and have an impact on that. The "Like A Girl" campaign is a great example- they have begun to turn a negative, demeaning phrase into a positive, empowering slogan for women everywhere, of all ages and walks of life, to find a place within. 50 Shades works the other way. It takes sex and female empowerment and warps them into a very scary picture. The girl in the book does not consent to everything that happens, and the man is a controlling, manipulative, abusive man who is now hailed by women everywhere as the perfect man. "He's rich, powerful, in control..." Okay, so take away his money and good looks. Now is he still so perfect? No- most women would describe him as a creep. But I digress.

The point is that I am working hard towards my goal. I want to spend my life being a voice and being part of a movement that reshapes how the media portrays women, victims, and people in general. The media is the biggest influence on my generation. They tell us what to think, and for the most part, we say "okay!" and move along to the next thing. We are desensitized. Girls as young as age eight have eating disorders. Half of girls age eleven report being on a diet. Every woman can say that she's seen something in the media that made her feel seriously bad about herself. The same goes for men, too. Men are supposed to be emotionless, extremely physically strong, and are supposed to be in a constant top-dog battle. It's a web that we al become tangled in. I want to change that. The media only gets to say/do these things because it sells. They make money off of it. So imagine if they didn't- if we stood up and said, "hey! That's not true and it makes us feel bad so we aren't going to listen to it." They would have no choice eventually but to say, "okay, so what DO you want?" Because what THEY want is to make money. There is a problem, and there is a solution.

So even on a terrible day like today, I am working on my goals. I am remembering that God has me here for a reason, that I am valued and worthy and loved, and that I am not alone. I'm struggling, yes but I'm not giving up. I am pushing forward.

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." -C.S. Lewis



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

Shepherd and Counselor; Faith and Contentment

Matthew 6:25-27 says "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air' they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

The answer to that question is no. Worrying is not of God. At no point in the Bible does someone ask God what to do and receive an answer of "Well, you should probably worry, because that seems like a pretty big problem." Not even Adam and Eve, when they lose the garden, Not Mary, when she must carry and deliver the son of God, not Moses, when he frees the slaves, not Abraham and Sarah, when they ask for a child, not Noah, when the Earth floods, not Jonah, Ruth and Naomi, Mary and Martha, or any of the disciples... Not anyone in the Bible is told by God to worry. These people all faced some pretty life-changing problems and events. Imagine being responsible for the fall of man, being the mother of Jesus, being 100 years old and pregnant, or even living in a time when Christianity was so illegal that they fed you to lions for professing it-- I feel like I would worry a bit about those things if I encountered them. In fact, thinking about those problems makes all of my problems suddenly seem, well, not so problematic.

One of my favorite women in history is Perpetua. She lived during a time when Christians were being executed lion's-lunch style. Perpetua had just given birth to a little boy and was still nursing at the time she was brought before the leaders to either profess or deny her faith. Before she begins to speak, her father approaches her and begs her to renounce Christianity so she can come home to her child. He tells her that without her nursing, her baby boy will likely die. Perpetua knows that there is no hope for her being spared from death if she admits to being a Christian, yet she also knows there is no hope for her soul if she walks away from God. She chooses to trust God's plan and tells her father, "Do you see this vessel lying here... a little pitcher... Can it be called by any other name than what it is? Nor can I call myself anything other than what I am, a Christian."

Her father gets so angry that he abandons her. Perpetua spends the next few days seeking God and praying over the calling for her life. She prays that God would save her baby, and not long after, the child is brought to her so she can nurse him. However, the child rejects it, and though she has not nursed in weeks, Perpetua feels no pain. She glorifies God in her martyrdom, never worrying about whether her child will be cared for, because she knows that her God is more powerful than any Earthly force, and though they can separate child from mother, they cannot separate child from God. She also does not worry about her own life, because she trusts in God's will for her.

Worry is unhelpful, unreasonable, and unhealthy. We just started a new series in church, and last Sunday, worry was the topic. I loved the quote we heard from Dr. Charles Mayo, "You can't worry yourself to life, but you can worry yourself to death."

One of the biggest things I struggle with is control. Worry stems from wanting to have control over things that are out of your hands. Faith and worry are not compatible. If you trust God's will, you cannot simultaneously worry about your life. When you worry, what you are really saying is "God, I don't trust you. I want to control my own life because I don't think you will provide for me."

Thankfully, we have a God who ignores that ridiculous behavior, and guides us anyways.

Psalm 23 says that "God is MY shepherd...." not a shepherd, or the shepherd, but mine and yours. What does a shepherd do? He tends for sheep. We are the sheep in this- and sheep need a shepherd to survive. As far as animals go, I'm fairly sure sheep are at the bottom of the "self-survival" list. They have almost zero instinct to protect themselves, and the sad part is, they don't even know it. That's a good comparison to humans. We think we can do it, but we just can't. We spend so much time saying "This is what my heart wants, I want to be happy, I have a plan, etc..." but we forget to stop and ask what God has for us. God's plans are always so much better than our own. When we try to live for ourselves and for our own gain, we not only usually fail, but we miss out on many wonderful experiences that can only be reached when we live within God's will. I know so many people, especially people my age, who think they are living their best life by doing whatever they want to do, whatever comes their way and looks like it could bring happiness/contentment. The problem with that, though, is that contentment cannot be brought through things. It is formed through whatever we already have along with trust that God will keep us where we need to be. When you try to do your own thing, you almost guarantee that you will end up worrying about things. It's an endless cycle that gets you nowhere.

As sheep, that's all we can do on our own- live in a cycle of worry and failure. However, when we let our shepherd guide us, we can break the cycle and begin to live a truly fulfilling life. We discussed four things that our shepherd does in church:
1. He provides,
2. He protects,
3. He directs, and
4. He guides.
There is a difference between directing and guiding. To direct is to stay in one position while giving directions to another. Think of a time you were lost somewhere and asked for directions- the person most likely just gave you street names or landmarks to follow. Guiding involves going along, leading the way- like a tour guide.

So, to summarize: we shouldn't worry. God's good and perfect will never fails. When the universe was created, every human to ever walk the earth was formed in God's plan, and every breath we take is recorded before we are even born. Thinking about that amazes me- to know a God who literally has already seen every act of your lifetime, but who loves you extravagantly anyways.

Before I close, I should say that there are two things we should be worrying about:
1. Trying to shepherd our own life, and
2. Trying to save and forgive ourselves.
Why would we ever want to be our own shepherd when we have no idea what tomorrow holds? Especially when there is a shepherd who does know and is willing to take us in as soon as we call. Secondly, we simply cannot save or forgive ourselves. It doesn't work that way- not even in Earthly things. If you were to rob a bank, get caught, and stand before a judge, you could not say "Oh, wait! You should know that I have already forgiven myself." and get away with the robbery. You cannot live for yourself. The human heart is not to be trusted. You may acquire short-term gratification from living your own way, but you will never find true happiness apart from God.

Listen, you are so abundantly loved. The Bible tells us that nothing can ever separate us from this extravagant love. Jesus' love for us is so limitless that He endured the worst pain you could ever imagine. "You took the fall, and thought of me above all." Live in this love and trust in this promise.



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20