It's a weird feeling to write to someone that you do not yet know, while understanding that when you do know them, you will know all of them- their past, their present, and their desires for the future. You will know what they look like at 2am, what they're most afraid of, how they make their coffee... You will learn their routine to the point of being a vital part of it, and you will understand what it feels like to sit in someone's presence and feel incredible love without speaking or touching. That is powerful. That is incredible.
While we do not know the people who will be in our lives until they are already there, when it comes to a spouse, I think everyone has a few things they are sure of. You know the kind of person your heart desires- their values, beliefs, goals, and interests. For me, my desire is to marry my best friend: someone who can love my soul more than anything. Someone who knows that I often wake up at 5am to worry about silly things, who understands why I need time to sit by myself and process my day, someone who knows that I am perpetually late... and doesn't judge me for it. Someone who can laugh with me when we realize, in the middle of a fight, how stupid we sound. Someone who can tolerate my love for the Dixie Chicks, sushi, and 80's/90's chick flicks. Someone who loves waking up on Saturday and planning a road trip in 15 minutes as much as I do.
With all of that being said- I hope that in writing this, I write to that person.
Dear husband,
We're already a solid three paragraphs into this, and (I hope) you've probably already laughed at me at least once. Even though you are undoubtedly brilliant, there are a few things that I want you to know, or to remind you of, in case you've forgotten.
1. I freakin' love you. I hope that's obvious, but I'm still going to say it over and over. Your life is a gift to me. You bring me so much joy and passion. Life with you is a constant reminder of God's grace and love for humanity. You make everything an adventure, and I'm so excited for both the good and the bad to shape us, grow us, and bring us closer to God and each other.
2. I'm probably not really that mad at you (most of the time). I'm always working on patience and forgiveness. When we fight, please pray for me that God would soften my heart and that I would be quick to seek resolution. I'm doing the same for you, because I believe that we respect each other enough to not let any conflict divide us.
3. Please understand that I don't expect you to always be strong. This is probably the most important one. Please, please know that we are a team- sharing the load equally. I am just as capable as supporting you as you are of me, and I want to. I know that there will be days, maybe even weeks when life is overwhelming and you are struggling to hear God's voice in the midst of your trials. Let me be there to hold you, to lift you up, to pray over you and to speak words of wisdom and encouragement. Give me your burdens, and I'll give you mine, and we'll never have to carry them alone.
4. A soft answer turns away wrath. I have heard that all of my life, and I sincerely hope that it is something that is grounded into your soul. In any situation, I pray that you are quick to find peace and comfort before you speak. Especially to our children- they are watching you, are learning from you, and are continually seeking your approval. They will make mistakes, sometimes bigger than you can imagine, but please remember that your response can either build them up or tear them down. I pray that you find mercy in all of our trials as a family.
5. Our kids' gender does not define them. I just cannot stress this enough. It weighs heavy on my heart most of the time. If our son would like to take dance classes, finds joy in teddy bears, and cannot find it in his heart to play games with violence, please embrace that. Celebrate the unique, wonderfully-made gift that God has given us in him. Do not force him into "manly" things, but encourage him in his gifts and talents, and be his biggest fan at whatever he decides to do. If our daughter abandons tiaras and Barbies for nerf guns and hot wheels, if she begs to be placed on the football team, please embrace that as well. Celebrate the unique, wonderfully-made gift that God has given us in her. Do not tell her that being a girl limits her, that she is too loud or aggressive, but encourage her in her gifts and talents, and be an advocate for her in a world that will tell her she is the lesser gender. For all of our children, no matter their gender, be consistent to tell them that expressing their emotions, being strong and courageous, and being firm in their faith and convictions is beautiful. Do not make them aware of limits, but of their ability to push past any obstacle they might face. Tell them every day that you love them exactly as they are, and that God loves them extravagantly, abundantly, and unconditionally, forever.
6. Love yourself. You are created out of divine inspiration. molded from the image of God, with God-given gifts and talents that are limitless within God's plan for you. You are human; do not ever be afraid to be fully human. There is beauty in imperfection, and without it, there is no need for God's love and grace. Be confident even in failure. Be humble and seek wisdom. Be passionate. Your calling in life is up to you to carry out. You can do amazing things. In our culture, it is popular to appear unattached; do not fall for that crap. Attach yourself to whatever it is you want, and go for it with all you have. Never be held back by worldly limitations. Speak truth over them that God is in control, and move past them. I believe in you!!!! I am so proud of you, and so delighted to be able to witness your growth and accomplishments.
7. Love others. We live in a big world filled with people who need love. All of God's creation is equal; no man is better than another, for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I pray that your eyes are opened to the beauty of living in love. Hate cannot drive out hate, and God's thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are God's ways our ways. Do not let the multitude of people around us who live in hatred influence you, but be a light to them. In the Kingdom of God, there is no "us and them," only "us."
8. Talk to my dad. He is one of my most favorite people in the world. He is funny, caring, trustworthy, loyal, and hard-working. He will pray for you, he will love you, and he will care for you. There is so much to learn from him. I pray that you will find friendship with him like I have.
9. Love my mom. She is beautiful, brilliant, hard-working, trustworthy, and brilliant (again). She is my best friend. She will laugh and cry with you. She is such a joy. She sometimes needs an extra push to find her adventurous side, so be an encouragement to her. This is the woman who raised me- always give her your respect.
10. Be friends with my brother. This pain-in-the-butt is one of my best friends, and he's a pretty incredible person. Find his passions and be as delighted as I am in hearing him speak about them. Encourage him, confide in him, earn his trust. He is your brother, too, and you have the responsibility of being an example to him. I am always protective over him- join me in that act of love and help me to build him up. Someday, you'll probably want his autograph for some amazing scientific/technological genius breakthrough... just sayin'.
10. Love God. Okay, here's the most important one. I pray that you are as passionate in your devotion to God as I am. We can walk together, and pick each other up when one stumbles. Pray with me, not just for me, and always share your thoughts about God with me. Confide in me when you struggle and when you triumph in your faith. Be wholeheartedly devoted to sharing in the love and grace that was given to us by the cross. Be an example for our family, friends, and community of what it looks like to be in love with Jesus. Do not be afraid to be imperfect, and accept grace when you fall short. Learn forgiveness as a first instinct. Never allow worldly limits to hinder your trust in God. Always believe that greater things have yet to come, and that God is in control.
I am praying for you, I am talking with God about you and about how excited I am to know you and love you. I am learning how to love you. I am seeking God so that my heart will be prepared to commit to you and to experience the beauty of sacrificial love.
I've been lovin' you since day one. We're gonna rock this. It's gonna be incredible.
Sincerely, your wife (...that's weird to say),
Kelsey
-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu
"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20
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