I spend a lot of time thinking about humanity, cultures, societal expectations, and gender differences. There seems to be a lot of "rules" today for men and women, and how they are supposed to act to stand apart from one another. It's no secret that gender inequality is a huge issue. I wish we knew when it all started; when we moved away from God's intent of human behavior and accepted (especially within the church) these new ideas of masculinity and femininity. More than that, I wish we knew how large the effect is of these "rules" on children.
My senior year of high school I got to help teach a kindergarten class. For one class period, I would drive over to the K-1 and spend 90 minutes with 27 of my best friends in Ms. Howard's class. Some days we had recess, some days we had music class, and some days we had individual tutoring. Some days I helped with Ms. Howard's lessons, and some days I taught my own. One day a week, I would arrive just as my class was being escorted from P.E. to music. On one day in particular, a female gym teacher was walking the class down the hallway. I followed behind the line of adorable 5-6 year olds, receiving hugs, waves, and "Ms. Kelsey!!!"'s as they noticed me (these memories are still some of my favorite). As they walked on this day, though, I was stunned at the gym teacher's words for her kindergarten students. "I am so disappointed," she began, "today you boys played the game like girls. That was so embarrassing, and you should be ashamed. When the girls can do better than you, that's bad." Embarrassing? Excuse me? She clearly hadn't paid attention to the girls in the class, especially Lorelai, who could have beat any boy in her class at any sport. Beyond the obvious falsity of her statement, I was hurt for my kids. I was hurt for the girls, who had just heard that to be like them was embarrassing, and I was hurt for the boys, who had just been told they weren't good enough. Maybe I'm wrong, but I never thought Kindergarten P.E. was that serious.
I've spent a lot of time working with elementary kids in after-school programs, and I love them. Maybe that makes me crazy, but I'll accept it. They're worth the stress and chaos. I'm convinced that there is no other age group who can love quite like them. I've received countless handmade gifts (including a painted clay bowl for Mother's Day, because I was that level of important), been asked to birthday parties, sleepovers, and class presentations, and I've been hugged at least two million times. I am always amazed at the sincerity of their love and trust. Just by being there every day, I earned their trust enough that I could ask them for updates on problems they'd been having. Remembering that they had struggled and making the effort to follow through with them was so important.
I never imagined any of the kids I would work with would say "Miss Kelsey, will you come to my school play/show-and-tell/D.A.R.E. graduation?" and genuinely want me to be there to see them. Senior year, I got the chance to go to a D.A.R.E. graduation and see some of my 5th graders, and that was really special. One boy in particular, a trouble maker in the program, had no one else come to see him. We didn't always get along, mostly because our interactions were usually him getting in trouble for acting out, but that didn't mean that I didn't care for him.
He's a young boy in a tough world, where boys are expected to be alpha-males, to be strong physically and mentally, to never be emotional or weak. On top of those expectations, he was living in a home with a single mom and a younger brother. You could see the pressure he faced just by looking at him- to be the definition of masculinity for his mom and brother. That day at D.A.R.E. graduation, he wasn't supposed to be hurt by the fact that no one had come to see him. When his friends gathered around to point out their families in the crowd, he wasn't supposed to feel left out. And when I saw him looking around, desperately searching for at least one person he knew, and then finally seeing me waving at him, he wasn't supposed to be excited. And he wasn't- until the next day at program, when he quietly walked over to me and mumbled "uhh, I saw you at my graduation yesterday." to which I replied, "I know, I came to see you and the other kids. You did a really good job." he nodded and said "yeah, my mom forgot, but it was cool that you came." He smiled and walked away, off to most likely steal a kindergartener's toy or dump his water on a girl. But for a moment, we had a breakthrough- he was allowed to drop the act and be vulnerable, to tell me that it meant something to him to have support.
That is what I want for his generation. I want them to be surrounded by adults as they grow up who will offer them a safe space to be human. If we can do that, maybe they will grow into adults who not only provide a safe space for their children, but who are examples of living beyond stereotypes and limitations on a daily basis. I don't want my son to ever feel like he can't be upset or weak, and I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she must make herself small or be passive in her dreams. I want my children to know that God has created them so brilliantly- they are both mountains and valleys, able to overcome and stand above the rest, but also able to lay down and be still. To say that girls are limited or lesser is to insult the power of God, and to say that boys are emotionless and always strong is to insult the mercy and grace of God. We are created to do great things, but we are not created to be perfect- we must lean on God, not ourselves, to accomplish anything.
My prayer is that the kids I have worked with, who are now entering middle school and junior high, are growing up with safe spaces. I need them to be role models for my children someday, so they can see that fully living means to be unashamed to experience the full range of humanity, both strength and weakness. There is beauty in both, and true success in life cannot be achieved without experience of both. Beyond spirituality, it is physically and mentally healthy to experience the full range. It breaks my heart to see stories in the news of boys committing suicide because they didn't feel masculine enough- strong, emotionless, and overbearing; and of girls committing suicide because they didn't feel feminine enough- delicate, pretty, and quiet.
There is freedom in Jesus that comes from looking to Him rather than society for how you should live. There is joy in living beyond stereotypes and knowing that you are reaching your full potential.
-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu
"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20
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