I've been lovin' you since day one.

I have a guilty pleasure in reading "letters to my future husband" posts. Though absolutely cheesy, and definitely personal, they are filled with love and joy, and I rather enjoy them. So, in all of it's cheesy, cliché, sappy glory- here is mine.

It's a weird feeling to write to someone that you do not yet know, while understanding that when you do know them, you will know all of them- their past, their present, and their desires for the future. You will know what they look like at 2am, what they're most afraid of, how they make their coffee... You will learn their routine to the point of being a vital part of it, and you will understand what it feels like to sit in someone's presence and feel incredible love without speaking or touching. That is powerful. That is incredible.

While we do not know the people who will be in our lives until they are already there, when it comes to a spouse, I think everyone has a few things they are sure of. You know the kind of person your heart desires- their values, beliefs, goals, and interests. For me, my desire is to marry my best friend: someone who can love my soul more than anything. Someone who knows that I often wake up at 5am to worry about silly things, who understands why I need time to sit by myself and process my day, someone who knows that I am perpetually late... and doesn't judge me for it. Someone who can laugh with me when we realize, in the middle of a fight, how stupid we sound. Someone who can tolerate my love for the Dixie Chicks, sushi, and 80's/90's chick flicks. Someone who loves waking up on Saturday and planning a road trip in 15 minutes as much as I do.

With all of that being said- I hope that in writing this, I write to that person.

Dear husband,
We're already a solid three paragraphs into this, and (I hope) you've probably already laughed at me at least once. Even though you are undoubtedly brilliant, there are a few things that I want you to know, or to remind you of, in case you've forgotten.

1. I freakin' love you. I hope that's obvious, but I'm still going to say it over and over. Your life is a gift to me. You bring me so much joy and passion. Life with you is a constant reminder of God's grace and love for humanity. You make everything an adventure, and I'm so excited for both the good and the bad to shape us, grow us, and bring us closer to God and each other.

2. I'm probably not really that mad at you (most of the time). I'm always working on patience and forgiveness. When we fight, please pray for me that God would soften my heart and that I would be quick to seek resolution. I'm doing the same for you, because I believe that we respect each other enough to not let any conflict divide us.

3. Please understand that I don't expect you to always be strong. This is probably the most important one. Please, please know that we are a team- sharing the load equally. I am just as capable as supporting you as you are of me, and I want to. I know that there will be days, maybe even weeks when life is overwhelming and you are struggling to hear God's voice in the midst of your trials. Let me be there to hold you, to lift you up, to pray over you and to speak words of wisdom and encouragement. Give me your burdens, and I'll give you mine, and we'll never have to carry them alone.

4. A soft answer turns away wrath. I have heard that all of my life, and I sincerely hope that it is something that is grounded into your soul. In any situation, I pray that you are quick to find peace and comfort before you speak. Especially to our children- they are watching you, are learning from you, and are continually seeking your approval. They will make mistakes, sometimes bigger than you can imagine, but please remember that your response can either build them up or tear them down. I pray that you find mercy in all of our trials as a family.

5. Our kids' gender does not define them. I just cannot stress this enough. It weighs heavy on my heart most of the time. If our son would like to take dance classes, finds joy in teddy bears, and cannot find it in his heart to play games with violence, please embrace that. Celebrate the unique, wonderfully-made gift that God has given us in him. Do not force him into "manly" things, but encourage him in his gifts and talents, and be his biggest fan at whatever he decides to do. If our daughter abandons tiaras and Barbies for nerf guns and hot wheels, if she begs to be placed on the football team, please embrace that as well. Celebrate the unique, wonderfully-made gift that God has given us in her. Do not tell her that being a girl limits her, that she is too loud or aggressive, but encourage her in her gifts and talents, and be an advocate for her in a world that will tell her she is the lesser gender. For all of our children, no matter their gender, be consistent to tell them that expressing their emotions, being strong and courageous, and being firm in their faith and convictions is beautiful. Do not make them aware of limits, but of their ability to push past any obstacle they might face. Tell them every day that you love them exactly as they are, and that God loves them extravagantly, abundantly, and unconditionally, forever.

6. Love yourself. You are created out of divine inspiration. molded from the image of God, with God-given gifts and talents that are limitless within God's plan for you. You are human; do not ever be afraid to be fully human. There is beauty in imperfection, and without it, there is no need for God's love and grace. Be confident even in failure. Be humble and seek wisdom. Be passionate. Your calling in life is up to you to carry out. You can do amazing things. In our culture, it is popular to appear unattached; do not fall for that crap. Attach yourself to whatever it is you want, and go for it with all you have. Never be held back by worldly limitations. Speak truth over them that God is in control, and move past them. I believe in you!!!! I am so proud of you, and so delighted to be able to witness your growth and accomplishments.

7. Love others. We live in a big world filled with people who need love. All of God's creation is equal; no man is better than another, for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I pray that your eyes are opened to the beauty of living in love. Hate cannot drive out hate, and God's thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are God's ways our ways. Do not let the multitude of people around us who live in hatred influence you, but be a light to them. In the Kingdom of God, there is no "us and them," only "us."

8. Talk to my dad. He is one of my most favorite people in the world. He is funny, caring, trustworthy, loyal, and hard-working. He will pray for you, he will love you, and he will care for you. There is so much to learn from him. I pray that you will find friendship with him like I have.

9. Love my mom. She is beautiful, brilliant, hard-working, trustworthy, and brilliant (again). She is my best friend. She will laugh and cry with you. She is such a joy. She sometimes needs an extra push to find her adventurous side, so be an encouragement to her. This is the woman who raised me- always give her your respect.

10. Be friends with my brother. This pain-in-the-butt is one of my best friends, and he's a pretty incredible person. Find his passions and be as delighted as I am in hearing him speak about them. Encourage him, confide in him, earn his trust. He is your brother, too, and you have the responsibility of being an example to him. I am always protective over him- join me in that act of love and help me to build him up. Someday, you'll probably want his autograph for some amazing scientific/technological genius breakthrough... just sayin'.

10. Love God. Okay, here's the most important one. I pray that you are as passionate in your devotion to God as I am. We can walk together, and pick each other up when one stumbles. Pray with me, not just for me, and always share your thoughts about God with me. Confide in me when you struggle and when you triumph in your faith. Be wholeheartedly devoted to sharing in the love and grace that was given to us by the cross. Be an example for our family, friends, and community of what it looks like to be in love with Jesus. Do not be afraid to be imperfect, and accept grace when you fall short. Learn forgiveness as a first instinct. Never allow worldly limits to hinder your trust in God. Always believe that greater things have yet to come, and that God is in control.

I am praying for you, I am talking with God about you and about how excited I am to know you and love you. I am learning how to love you. I am seeking God so that my heart will be prepared to commit to you and to experience the beauty of sacrificial love.

I've been lovin' you since day one. We're gonna rock this. It's gonna be incredible.
Sincerely, your wife (...that's weird to say),
Kelsey



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

The Full Range of Humanity

Happy Monday! It's freezing cold and icy here (but don't worry, we still have classes. Just not any other college or public school. #BaylorStandard). I'm really excited about this post. I've had it in the back of my mind for a while, but everything has been so busy I haven't had time until now to sit down and actually write it. Excuse the mess it will be, but it's something that I am very passionate about.

I spend a lot of time thinking about humanity, cultures, societal expectations, and gender differences. There seems to be a lot of "rules" today for men and women, and how they are supposed to act to stand apart from one another. It's no secret that gender inequality is a huge issue. I wish we knew when it all started; when we moved away from God's intent of human behavior and accepted (especially within the church) these new ideas of masculinity and femininity. More than that, I wish we knew how large the effect is of these "rules" on children.

My senior year of high school I got to help teach a kindergarten class. For one class period, I would drive over to the K-1 and spend 90 minutes with 27 of my best friends in Ms. Howard's class. Some days we had recess, some days we had music class, and some days we had individual tutoring. Some days I helped with Ms. Howard's lessons, and some days I taught my own. One day a week, I would arrive just as my class was being escorted from P.E. to music. On one day in particular, a female gym teacher was walking the class down the hallway. I followed behind the line of adorable 5-6 year olds, receiving hugs, waves, and "Ms. Kelsey!!!"'s as they noticed me (these memories are still some of my favorite). As they walked on this day, though, I was stunned at the gym teacher's words for her kindergarten students. "I am so disappointed," she began, "today you boys played the game like girls. That was so embarrassing, and you should be ashamed. When the girls can do better than you, that's bad." Embarrassing? Excuse me? She clearly hadn't paid attention to the girls in the class, especially Lorelai, who could have beat any boy in her class at any sport. Beyond the obvious falsity of her statement, I was hurt for my kids. I was hurt for the girls, who had just heard that to be like them was embarrassing, and I was hurt for the boys, who had just been told they weren't good enough. Maybe I'm wrong, but I never thought Kindergarten P.E. was that serious.

I've spent a lot of time working with elementary kids in after-school programs, and I love them. Maybe that makes me crazy, but I'll accept it. They're worth the stress and chaos. I'm convinced that there is no other age group who can love quite like them. I've received countless handmade gifts (including a painted clay bowl for Mother's Day, because I was that level of important), been asked to birthday parties, sleepovers, and class presentations, and I've been hugged at least two million times. I am always amazed at the sincerity of their love and trust. Just by being there every day, I earned their trust enough that I could ask them for updates on problems they'd been having. Remembering that they had struggled and making the effort to follow through with them was so important.

I never imagined any of the kids I would work with would say "Miss Kelsey, will you come to my school play/show-and-tell/D.A.R.E. graduation?" and genuinely want me to be there to see them. Senior year, I got the chance to go to a D.A.R.E. graduation and see some of my 5th graders, and that was really special. One boy in particular, a trouble maker in the program, had no one else come to see him. We didn't always get along, mostly because our interactions were usually him getting in trouble for acting out, but that didn't mean that I didn't care for him.

He's a young boy in a tough world, where boys are expected to be alpha-males, to be strong physically and mentally, to never be emotional or weak. On top of those expectations, he was living in a home with a single mom and a younger brother. You could see the pressure he faced just by looking at him- to be the definition of masculinity for his mom and brother. That day at D.A.R.E. graduation, he wasn't supposed to be hurt by the fact that no one had come to see him. When his friends gathered around to point out their families in the crowd, he wasn't supposed to feel left out. And when I saw him looking around, desperately searching for at least one person he knew, and then finally seeing me waving at him, he wasn't supposed to be excited. And he wasn't- until the next day at program, when he quietly walked over to me and mumbled "uhh, I saw you at my graduation yesterday." to which I replied, "I know, I came to see you and the other kids. You did a really good job." he nodded and said "yeah, my mom forgot, but it was cool that you came." He smiled and walked away, off to most likely steal a kindergartener's toy or dump his water on a girl. But for a moment, we had a breakthrough- he was allowed to drop the act and be vulnerable, to tell me that it meant something to him to have support.

That is what I want for his generation. I want them to be surrounded by adults as they grow up who will offer them a safe space to be human. If we can do that, maybe they will grow into adults who not only provide a safe space for their children, but who are examples of living beyond stereotypes and limitations on a daily basis. I don't want my son to ever feel like he can't be upset or weak, and I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she must make herself small or be passive in her dreams. I want my children to know that God has created them so brilliantly- they are both mountains and valleys, able to overcome and stand above the rest, but also able to lay down and be still. To say that girls are limited or lesser is to insult the power of God, and to say that boys are emotionless and always strong is to insult the mercy and grace of God. We are created to do great things, but we are not created to be perfect- we must lean on God, not ourselves, to accomplish anything.

My prayer is that the kids I have worked with, who are now entering middle school and junior high, are growing up with safe spaces. I need them to be role models for my children someday, so they can see that fully living means to be unashamed to experience the full range of humanity, both strength and weakness. There is beauty in both, and true success in life cannot be achieved without experience of both. Beyond spirituality, it is physically and mentally healthy to experience the full range. It breaks my heart to see stories in the news of boys committing suicide because they didn't feel masculine enough- strong, emotionless, and overbearing; and of girls committing suicide because they didn't feel feminine enough- delicate, pretty, and quiet.

There is freedom in Jesus that comes from looking to Him rather than society for how you should live. There is joy in living beyond stereotypes and knowing that you are reaching your full potential.



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20