I have never made a serious New Year's resolution. They seem pointless to me, for the most part. A new year comes around pretty often. So this month, I made my own version- a New Semester resolution. You only get to have your first year of college once. Last semester, even though I was adjusting to an entirely new life, I didn't have a stable goal. I was living in negativity, for the most part. I hated myself for moving to Texas and I thought the entire thing was a mistake. I was miserable. I had no friends, nothing to look forward to (except going home) and I was very depressed most of the time. I did the one thing that everyone told me not to do- I sat in my dorm, sometimes for a whole day or an entire weekend. I worried constantly about everything that could go wrong.
The reality of my situation is that I wanted everything to be different except me. I didn't want to change or adjust. I wanted things to simply happen how I thought they should in order to please me. It was a very long and hard semester. The first week that I was home for winter break, I woke up around midnight having a terrible panic attack. I was terrified. I sat in the living room with my dad and cried and begged him to let me stay home. I convinced myself that I didn't belong there. My dad was so patient with me. (I could- and probably should- make an entire post just about the incredible parents I have) We talked for a long time about who I am the way I handle things, and about Baylor, God, and life in general. I knew I couldn't just quit one semester through. Four months is hardly a fair chance to give such a big adventure.
I have come so far since I was a freshman in high school. That Kelsey would never have even left her hometown for college. She was afraid of everything. She thought that God didn't see her, and in her darkest days, feared that God had no plan for her. Those fears and thoughts rooted themselves and grew terrible beliefs. Her heart was bitter and cold, and she lived with so many walls around herself that eventually she forgot how she had even built them, and so remembering how to tear them down has been a very long, hard process.
Going into my second semester of freshman year, my resolution is to live in peace and trust God that my every step is guided by a good and perfect plan. I am choosing joy amidst a rollercoaster of emotions. When I am sitting in my room at night missing my home, I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful home, filled with nice things and loving people, to miss. When I am seeing Facebook posts or reading texts about all the things my friends and family are doing, and I long to be back with them to part of it, I thank God for putting me in the middle of such a passionate, amazing group of people who have taken wonderful care of me and who I can always count on to nurture my soul. When I feel like I will fail, I remember that I am here at Baylor because God has brought me. I can trust that as long as I do what is put in front of me, I will not fail.
So far this semester, I have been accepted into a wonderful Christian sorority on campus. Kappa Chi Alpha is a sisterhood filled with girls who have beautiful hearts. Being around them makes me feel loved, cherished, and welcomed. I am finding a home in KXA.
It's good to be back!
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While I was writing this, I was listening to Pandora. It's amazing how God uses music in my life to speak to me. Here are a few lyrics from some of the songs that played. (:
"Holy is the Lord God, Almighty! The earth is FILLED with His glory!"
"If it's Your will, then nothing can shake me... We've got to be children of peace."
"He is jealous for me. He loves like a hurricane, and I am a tree: bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. I realize just how beautiful You are, and how GREAT your affections are for me. Oh, how He loves us!"
"Jesus, He loves me. He loves me; He is for me. Oh, Jesus, how can it be? He LOVES me; He is for me."
"For all Your goodness, I will keep on singing; ten-thousand reasons for my heart to find."
"You make beautiful things out of dust. You make things new, and You are making me new."
"What could I say, and what could I do, but offer this heart- Oh, God- completely to You?"
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-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu
"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20
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