Within the set of brightly colored envelopes, near the back, is a yellow one titled "Open when... You need to be inspired." These past two weeks have been the hardest I've gone through here at Baylor so far. They have been filled with a deep longing to return home, a seemingly endless ache in my heart that has emptied me of all hope and faith. I spent an entire weekend sitting in my dorm room feeling alone and miserable. I called my parents constantly, begging them to come get me and coming up with a million reasons why I don't belong here at Baylor. And who knows if any of those reasons are true or if any are completely false, the only thing I know right now comes from something my dad told me. I am waiting on God.
I am patiently (well, sort of patiently) listening to Him, reminding myself that if I need to move, He will direct my steps. I sometimes forget how faithful He is to direct me. When I look around at where I am, I have no other explanation than God. When I look at myself as a little girl- remembering all the memories I have, and seeing who I was, I am amazed to say to that little girl "you will attend one of the best universities in the entire country." My ten-year-old heart cannot believe it- I would have told you that I did not believe in fairytales, that I could never ask my parents to pay such a large tuition. If you had thrown in the fact that I wouldn't be paying tuition, I would have laughed at you.
So sitting here in my room, thinking about all the pain I have been feeling alongside the miracle that I am even in this place to feel it, I can't give a straight answer about where I belong in this world. I can only say that for right now, I am here, and God is here with me, and that is enough for me. If someday He calls me to leave Baylor and go somewhere else, I will know that wherever that is, He will be there with me. I cannot say that everything here is hard right now; I have great classes with amazing professors and I am learning and growing so much this semester. My religion class especially, though it is challenging, is opening my heart to so many aspects of God. He is so endless and mighty; I am constantly in awe of the beauty I encounter. Through the negativity that our world revolves around, He is a wellspring of life and joy, and His grace is ever-present in the midst of trials.
I opened the letter a little while ago, and I want to share some of the quotes it has that have inspired me. I hope they inspire you, too. (:
"So go out and live real good and I promise you'll get beat up real bad. But, in a little while after you're dead, you'll be rotted away anyway. It's not gonna matter if you have a few scars. It will matter if you didn't live." -Rich Mullins
"In my deepest wound I saw your glory, and it dazzled me." -Augustine
"To worry about tomorrow is to forfeit your peace today." -Tony Evans
"Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?" -Dale Partridge
"What God authors in your heart, he finishes in your life." -Brian Houston
"Futile, the winds, to a heart at port." -Emily Dickenson
That's all I have this time. Some honesty about my struggles and some inspiration for me and anyone else needing it. (:
-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu
"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20
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