"Open when... You need to be inspired."

First of all, I want to say how much I love and appreciate my Aunt DeAnn and Uncle Brian-- their words, wisdom, hearts, and actions have given me an infinity of blessings and love in my life. For graduation, they wrote me a series of "Open when..." letters; I have always wanted a set of these and receiving them from people who have poured so greatly into my life was the best gift they could have given me.

Within the set of brightly colored envelopes, near the back, is a yellow one titled "Open when... You need to be inspired." These past two weeks have been the hardest I've gone through here at Baylor so far. They have been filled with a deep longing to return home, a seemingly endless ache in my heart that has emptied me of all hope and faith. I spent an entire weekend sitting in my dorm room feeling alone and miserable. I called my parents constantly, begging them to come get me and coming up with a million reasons why I don't belong here at Baylor. And who knows if any of those reasons are true or if any are completely false, the only thing I know right now comes from something my dad told me. I am waiting on God.

I am patiently (well, sort of patiently) listening to Him, reminding myself that if I need to move, He will direct my steps. I sometimes forget how faithful He is to direct me. When I look around at where I am, I have no other explanation than God. When I look at myself as a little girl- remembering all the memories I have, and seeing who I was, I am amazed to say to that little girl "you will attend one of the best universities in the entire country." My ten-year-old heart cannot believe it- I would have told you that I did not believe in fairytales, that I could never ask my parents to pay such a large tuition. If you had thrown in the fact that I wouldn't be paying tuition, I would have laughed at you.

So sitting here in my room, thinking about all the pain I have been feeling alongside the miracle that I am even in this place to feel it, I can't give a straight answer about where I belong in this world. I can only say that for right now, I am here, and God is here with me, and that is enough for me. If someday He calls me to leave Baylor and go somewhere else, I will know that wherever that is, He will be there with me. I cannot say that everything here is hard right now; I have great classes with amazing professors and I am learning and growing so much this semester. My religion class especially, though it is challenging, is opening my heart to so many aspects of God. He is so endless and mighty; I am constantly in awe of the beauty I encounter. Through the negativity that our world revolves around, He is a wellspring of life and joy, and His grace is ever-present in the midst of trials.

I opened the letter a little while ago, and I want to share some of the quotes it has that have inspired me. I hope they inspire you, too. (:

"So go out and live real good and I promise you'll get beat up real bad. But, in a little while after you're dead, you'll be rotted away anyway. It's not gonna matter if you have a few scars. It will matter if you didn't live." -Rich Mullins

"In my deepest wound I saw your glory, and it dazzled me." -Augustine

"To worry about tomorrow is to forfeit your peace today." -Tony Evans

"Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?" -Dale Partridge

"What God authors in your heart, he finishes in your life." -Brian Houston

"Futile, the winds, to a heart at port." -Emily Dickenson


That's all I have this time. Some honesty about my struggles and some inspiration for me and anyone else needing it. (:



-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

          

Prone to wonder... Prone to leave the God I love...

It's been almost an entire month since I updated! Wow- time has gone so fast. Recently, I have been busy with my first round of tests (which thankfully went well) and papers. I've also been busy trying to transition into a steady schedule here. On Mondays, I go to Jubilee Theatre, a community theatre that partners with Mission Waco, and help teach a theatre class to elementary/middle school students. They are going to perform Alice In Wonderland - I can't wait! They are all so excited and lively and fun to be around. (:

Since updating last, I've had the immense blessing of attending the annual freshman retreat and of getting to spend a weekend in Waco with my parents. Both weekends are memories I will keep and cherish for a long time.

God really moved in me during the retreat. It was unlike anything else I have experienced. At the very basis, just to spend a weekend away from all distractions, at a beautiful camp in the middle of nowhere, was so refreshing. We spent a lot of time in small groups and together in forms of worship very new to me. On Saturday, I was able to spend the afternoon painting (something I love to do!) with some other people. The peace of the entire trip was amazing. I wish it happened every weekend!

We had a morning worship service where we made boxes. On the boxes we wrote our names, names for Jesus that we liked, and sins we struggle with. We also drew a time in our life when we felt God most near, and a time when we could not feel Him. Then, we wrote a bible verse that meant a lot to us, and we stood and read them aloud wherever we were standing. To hear the room fill with the soft voices of other people repeating the word of God all at once was incredible. After finishing our boxes, we wrote a prayer consisting of anything that was on our heart to God and put it inside the box. Finally, we traded boxes with others in the room and prayed over their boxes, then wrote our initials on their box. This symbol that I have on my box of other people recognizing my heart and praying for it is a wonderful reminder of the support I have in my journey.

I felt so immensely blessed and close to my Saviour that weekend. It's a feeling I can't quite put into words. It reminds me of my favorite hymn, Come, Thou Fount. It's so beautiful and such a truthful description of my heart.

Come thou font of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing thy grace

Streams of mercy never ceasing

Call for songs of loudest praise

Teach me some melodious sonnet

Sung by flaming tongues above

Praise the mount I'm fixed upon it

Mount of thy redeeming love

Here I raise my Ebenezer

Hither by thy help I'm come

And I hope by thy good pleasure

Safely to arrive at home

Jesus sought me when a stranger

Wondering from the fold of God

He, to rescue me from danger

Interposed His precious blood

O to grace how how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!

Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee

Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above

 

I love that song so very much.

 

The following weekend, my parents visited for Family Weekend. I loved getting to have my mom and dad be on campus with me and being able to show them around Waco and make new memories with them! It's safe to say that I miss them more than anything and I don't know what I would have done if they couldn't have come that weekend. It was also a very peaceful, comforting time.

 

It's hard, sometimes, for me to be here. I am so tied to my roots and family that it can be a minute-by-minute process to survive here at Baylor. Especially these past few weeks, my heart has been aching for home and for familiarity. I have been lonely, discouraged, and upset about so many things. While I love being reminded of memories of my childhood and life at home, at the same time they crush me because that chapter of my life is over.

 

As long as I'm being honest, there are days that I'm driving on I-35 back to campus, and a large part of me is tempted to miss my exit and drive home right then (once I even did- but I took the next exit, and drove back to my dorm. That was one of the hardest things I've done). Sometimes I question my belonging here at Baylor, but as soon as I shut up long enough to let God say something, He takes hold of my heart and sends His peace. He shows me His love in so many languages and I feel it all around me, reassuring me that I am not alone here. One of my favorite songs is Smell The Color Nine by Chris Rice. "I can sniff, I can see, and I can count up pretty high, but these faculties aren't getting me any closer to the sky. But my heart of faith keeps pounding, so I know I'm doing fine... but sometimes finding You is just like trying to smell the color nine..." That is so true. I have never felt so close and so far away from God in such a short period of time. That's partly why I haven't blogged in the past month- it's been a real struggle to come up with anything when I felt so far away from God. Sometimes, however, it is therapeutic to just write about life, so that's what I'm doing. No facades, no sugar-coating, just honesty about my struggles and blessings.

 

My life right now may be a rollercoaster of events and emotions, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am growing, changing, and experiencing far more than I ever have. I am beginning my life and searching the corners of my heart for the beauty that God has written on it. I am learning about this world and all that it needs, and all that I can do in it and for it. I am learning to be on my own and do things for myself-- even better, I am learning that I am CAPABLE of that. I can do this. In the past, I have been known to run from challenge and to embrace fear and play safely. Here, that is not an option, and my comfort zone has gone missing (if anyone finds it, let me know? kinda missin' it). I am experiencing serventhood and worship in incredibly real ways, and it is impacting me so deeply.

 

Yet again, a favorite song of mine is Smelling Coffee by Chris Rice. It's perfect to listen to when I wake up. "I'm smelling coffee, birds are singing just outside... Here comes Your mercy streaming in with the morning light! My heart is racing, waking up to Your smile, saying 'Good Morning!' I remember reading that Your the God who never sleeps; while I've been dreaming, You've been singing over me!" How can you not love that!? Chris Rice just gets me. Ha! (Thanks to my parents and Aunt DeAnn for my love for him!)

 

While I may miss my home and the memories I made during my childhood/adolescence, I have them in my heart forever and I can look at them and see all of the thousands of ways that God has blessed me beyond my deserving and comprehension. I can also look ahead to the future with confidence that His grace, love, and blessings will continue through my life. I am falling in love with my Saviour more than I ever thought possible, and my heart is so full.

 

Thanks for sticking out this long post that was basically just rambling about my life (:

Some people have asked about my address for care packages-- if you would like my address to send me letters, photos, packages, or whatever else you feel like putting through the mail... Just email me at the address below!! Receiving mail is one of my favorite things. Thank you in advance for your care and prayers.

Much love,

Kelsey

 

 

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

 

 



Living in "The Wack"

Starting blog posts is weird, so I’ll skip the intro and just get to some sort of point! (hopefully)

Exciting news—I declared my major last week! I am officially a Pre-Social Work major at Baylor. With this major I intend to work in non-profit aiding victims of slavery, sex trafficking, and abuse, and women in prostitution, etc. Reaching, serving, and loving people who do not and possibly have not ever experienced love and Jesus is my biggest passion.

This is week 3 on campus!

As I’ve explored more of both the University and Waco these past three weeks, I have been made keenly aware of the vast difference between the two. Baylor is a rather expensive private university with a beautiful campus and basically anything someone could need (food, grocery, shelter, stores, gym, church, medical center, etc.) Waco, however, is sitting at a 27% poverty rate, while the national average is 13%. The streets are run-down, and there are people in tattered, dirt-stained clothes walking/sitting along sidewalks and street corners almost everywhere. Of course, there are nicer parts of Waco, but so far, I have discovered them in little pockets between older neighborhoods.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how Baylor came to be in a town like Waco. Of course, there’s the historical explanation that Baylor tells the freshman quite frequently their first few weeks on campus, but for me there’s a much more personal reason. I believe that God placed Baylor in Waco for many reasons for many different people. For me, I know that Baylor is the beginning of an incredible journey that God has planned for me, and Waco will be an important first step. The people of Waco are desperately in need of service, in need of love, and most of all, in need of Jesus. Alone, I have nothing to offer, but through Him, I can be a difference in someone’s life.

The church in America has strayed so far from Jesus’ intentions with the poor. They build multi-million dollar buildings and preach about giving money to the less-fortunate. They donate to/volunteer at shelters apart from the churches, but do not invite the “less-fortunate” into their homes. When it comes to actually living and serving in the midst of them, most churches draw the line in the name of “safety.” They have forgotten that our safety lies within faith in Jesus. It’s ridiculous to refuse to serve the prostitute or the drug addict because “they live in unsafe, unclean conditions. Gangs, pimps, etc. are everywhere, and it’s just not safe to be there.”

When Jesus came to Earth, he didn’t just go hang out with the rich, clean people living in big homes (not that he ignored those people). He went and befriended the tax collectors, the lepers, and all of the “unclean,” hated people in the areas he visited. When He met the Samaritan woman at the well, she was surprised that He would even speak to her. Zacchaeus almost didn’t believe Jesus when He told him that He was going to eat with him at his house. Other people were appalled at the places Jesus went to, and the people He spent time with.

I imagine that’s how a lot of people would react today if someone were to reach out to them that way in the name of Jesus. They’d expect to be called out for their sins, to be chastised and disapproved of for the choices they’ve made in life. The overwhelming voice of Christianity in America today is the group of people who are constantly calling out the sin, demanding that we refuse others rights in the name of religious law. Anti-gay marriage and abortion groups can be found so easily. Where, though, are the Christian support groups for the women who have had abortions? Where are the people who recognize that God’s work does not come through force, but through love? Humans have free will. No one will ever choose Jesus if the message they hear is all about how wrong they are. It has to come through love and support.

Can you imagine being 30 years old and applying to a college that sent you letters and emails about how lazy and stupid you were? If they constantly put you down for not going to college right after high school, would you even want to attend at age 30? Of course not. That’s why colleges encourage adults to go back to school. Billboards say ‘It’s not too late!” and “Anyone can succeed.” Radio ads say “find the career you belong in! Love your life and work!” because they understand how to reach people and change their lives. You may say that the issue of salvation is more extreme than education, but humans come to change the same way for any situation—they have to want to change, and wanting to change comes from feeling encouraged and welcomed into the new lifestyle.

The truth is, we are not the judges:

So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I’d say it leaves you looking pretty silly—or worse. Eventually, we’re all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren’t going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture: “As I live and breathe,” God says, “every knee will bow before me; Every tongue will tell the honest truth that I and only I am God.” So tend to your knitting. You’ve got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God. (Romans 14:10-12 MSG)

 It will never be our job to tell someone about their sin, to judge them for it, or to try to force them to change. We can’t play God and follow God at the same time. Jesus came in love, with grace and mercy for anyone who would receive it. The cross is a beautiful story of redemption; God who loved the world so much that He gave his only son to die in the place of every human that would ever walk the Earth. A God who would sacrifice something that immense is surely a God of abounding love and mercy that has no end.

I can’t say that I have ever been so close to such obvious poverty as I am now in Waco. I have been so privileged and blessed in my life, but I’m so glad that God has placed me here now. I don’t want to live oblivious to the need that is so prominent in our nation and world; there are people who sleep in trash bags and eat rotten scraps out of dumpsters, women who were never given educational opportunity, and now can’t find jobs outside of strip clubs. They are treated as subhuman by everyone around them. There are parents who have no idea how to raise their children, and no way to provide for them. There are children with no parents—no one to teach them, protect them, or love them.

My family has never been wealthy, and there have been times we’ve lost a home or had to face the hard fact of my dad losing his job. We’ve been on government assistance, and we’ve squeezed our family of four into a tiny two-bedroom apartment. But we have never been homeless, never gone hungry, and never been without clothing. Though my clothes as a child may have been hand-me-downs from cousins, they were nice clothes that fit. I remember a time when my mom and I passed a homeless man on a bridge just outside of town. He had a sign asking for food. When we got home, my mom made a huge pot of ham and beans and took a large container of it back to him.

When my parents served as young-adult leaders at a local church, our home was constantly filled with teenagers and 20-something’s from all walks of life. The love and service that my parents poured out to them changed both the people’s lives and mine. I grew up with the understanding that it didn’t matter how much you had to give, you gave it with the knowledge that the God you served would be faithful in fulfilling your needs. And He was, over and over again, all throughout my childhood and still today.

Thinking about my own childhood compared to that of some of the kids living in Waco, I could never say that my family was poor or underprivileged. I am so grateful that my parents raised me in an environment that was surrounded by Jesus and his true calling for His people—sacrificial, limitless, unending love. Love that does not have borders, or restrictions, or guidelines. Just pure, honest service to anyone who had a need, big or small. It has shaped me into who I am today, and prepared me for the life that Jesus has called me to. Waco is my home for the next four years, and it’s not a coincidence. I have been called to love these people and serve them, to change and save lives of those who the world has forgotten. There are already so many people doing that in Waco, at Baylor, and I can’t wait to join them.

 

 

 

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

 

Get Out of The Boat!

Happy Monday! I had to look at my phone to remember what day it is. Welcome Week at Baylor is serious, dusk-til-dawn business. Today is my sixth day on campus and already, I would like to say that anyone back home in Missouri who is complaining about the heat can just come visit me and see what real heat is. You know your fellow students are good people when they'll still get to know you and hang out with you even though you are drenched in sweat pretty much 24/7. I have a whole new love and appreciation for cold showers! (Which is good, because hot water is spotty.)

In all seriousness, this week has been an endurance test in so many ways. I said goodbye to my extended family on Monday, and on Monday night, I blew a tire on my car. Tuesday morning I packed up and said goodbye to my best friend, and Tuesday night, I remembered all the things that I forgot to pack. Wednesday was move-in, and it was a blur of excitement and nervousness and uncertainty. The plan was originally for my parents to stay on campus with me until around 9pm, but they ended up having to leave around 6:30 instead. The weekend was very busy trying to navigate campus and all the activities and still get some sleep. It will probably be a while before I can talk about what saying goodbye felt like. Not just with my parents and brother, but with my entire family and all of my friends. My heart is both full and broken. No one has family like I do, and the support I am receiving through daily texts/calls alone is incredible. No one has family like mine.

Sunday night we had a candlelight worship/prayer service for all of the freshman. It was one of the most beautiful, intimate, incredible experiences I have ever had. To stand in an auditorium with over 4,000 other students and sing my most favorite song (Oceans- Hillsong United) was just awesome. Then we listened to a sermon that really touched my heart- I have been struggling since arriving at Baylor with many small challenges that just keep adding up in my mind and heart and making me feel completely beat down.

He spoke about Jesus walking on water and calling Simon Peter to come and join him (Matthew 14:22-34). There is a group of people in the boat with Peter, and when they see Jesus coming, they're all scared that He's a ghost. When Jesus calls out to them, he tells them not to be afraid. The scene may look daunting, but Jesus is in the midst of it. Out of all the group, Peter is the only one who gets out of the boat. He quickly begins to sink, and Jesus again calls out to Peter to trust and obey Him. Only when Peter gives up control and puts his faith in Jesus is he able to walk out onto the water with Him- which is pretty uncommon and incredible. (I'm sure the boat group was impressed.)

"Immediately Jesus reached His hand out and caught him. "You of little faith," He said, "why did you doubt?" -Matthew 14:31

The story relates to life today because we all have a choice to make with Jesus. Sitting in a boat is fine- at least you are out on the water. That's no easy task in itself; it's dark, cold, and you're in the middle of a large body of water. The boat is small, though, and Jesus has called you out into the water. He also knows that as human, we're imperfect- He didn't leave Peter to drown when he struggled on the water, and He doesn't leave us, either. He knows that our faith will falter, and when it does, He is there to lift us back up into Him, to call out our Faith and renew our strength. Walking out onto the water with Jesus is where we find true life- it is not easy or simple, but we do not have to fear failure when we put our faith in Jesus. His good and perfect plan prevails, and sometimes, the mistakes we make are even part of that plan. One thing we can always be sure of is that His plan is the most incredible path that our lives could ever take. Incredible joy, love, peace, and wisdom is found in every crevice of His work.

Realizing these things has made all the difference in my mindset about Baylor. It hasn't been a complete transformation, for example: I had a rather traumatic Target experience today that included getting lost, over-spending, and tearing a chunk of skin out of my foot, and I ended up calling my mom crying about how I didn't think I was ready to do this on my own. I felt so small and incapable, and at the same time, so very far away from my home and family. That was not a good mix. After some encouragement from my mom (and some jokes from my dad, who always seems to find humor in my dramatic teenage moments) I found some peace and solace in the love of my parents and Jesus, who reminded me that my clumsy transition into adulthood is, in fact, NOT the end of the world. Funny how He knows that, and I forget so often. (: I will never be perfect in my faith, because I am human, but I am continually learning how to keep my faith at the forefront of my mind, ready to be called into action when trouble arises.

"He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'" -Matthew 17:20

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

What a wonderful, passionate God we serve, who's love for His children is so intimate and extravagant. I can feel Him all around me, holding me together and guiding me in His will as my journey at Baylor begins. What an incomparable blessing!




-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander..."

I am an eighteen-year-old girl who is embarking on a brand new adventure in one week. To quote one of my favorite songwriters, Sara Groves,

"I just showed up for my own life- and I'm standing here, taking it in, and it sure looks bright."

I've grown up in Southwest Missouri basically my whole life. I have lived in houses of every description, and my homes have always been filled with family and friends.  When I was in 6th grade, my family lost our home of 8 years to foreclosure and we moved into a tiny trailer for 6 months, and then an even tinier apartment for 2 more years. Finally, when I was a sophomore in high school, we moved in to a nice, pretty home that fits us, isn't falling apart, and that we do not rent, but own. As a child, I was sure that somehow my family had done something very wrong and God had decided to throw us away. I would sit in church and listen to stories of grace and redemption and envy the receivers of such. My heart was empty and my future felt very small and lonely. I was surrounded by a small-town mindset that money was where happiness would be found, and if that was true, I felt I was the most miserable person on the planet.

It took many years for me to understand the extravagance of God's love for all people. It is so easy to get caught up in religious law, because it seems that is where safety is found. The more rules, the better protection. However, true relationship with God does not require a long list of rules and expectations--God has no expectations of us. He created us, and He knows every single thought we will ever think. He doesn't need expectations because He has seen our lives to the very end. What's even more amazing is that He chooses to love us so intimately and extravagantly despite knowing every single thing about us.

Thankfully, during my hard times, God's perception didn't change just because of my foolishness. He still saw his beloved child who He had created for a specific, beautiful purpose. He also had to know what a hard, painful journey it was going to be for me to realize who He is and who I am. There are many memories that God has healed within my heart, and looking back on them now, they do not upset me like they did before-- I now see Jesus moving in my life, following and leading and changing and, most of all, waiting for me to come to Him.

So, today, in August of 2014, I am standing in a whole new light. I have made the choice to answer the calling that God has placed on my life, and day-by-day, I am leaving behind the broken pieces of the girl I used to be. She was miserable and she held me back from so much joy, but not any more. I am free to be who I am and not worry about the future, because I know that my worth is not subjective or based on an earthly scale. It comes from Jesus Christ, and His love is ever-faithful.

The moment I began to make these changes in my life, I started receiving emails from Baylor University in Waco, TX. The only thing I knew about this school was that my cousin Kelli had previously graduated from it. I looked through the emails and began to learn more about the university. Everything I read made me fall more in love with it. I applied in December of 2013, and then, in a moment of fear, told myself I wouldn't be accepted, and put the entire event out of my mind. God kept it in His, however, because late one night in February, I decided to heck my email on my phone before going to bed. And there it was, the fourth email down-- "Congratulations, Kelsey!"
from a Baylor email address. Holy. Crap. I had been accepted. This dream school that was so out of reach for me had asked me to attend beginning their fall 2014 semester. And not only did they want me to attend... They wanted me to attend with an amazing scholarship. As the financial documents began to arrive in the mail, I became more and more anxious about the decision I had to make. My scholarships were covering a good portion of the cost, and more of them were coming as time passed, but I still couldn't let go of the worry that I was in over my head. I let the worry over finances become walls that I could hide behind. I didn't think I was ready to move eight hours away from the only home I've ever known.

I remember the night that God first spoke to me about Baylor. My family was gathered at my aunt and uncle's house and as soon as I walked in, the room became very quiet. I sat down and my dad looked at me and said, "Kels, we need to talk. What would you say if I told you that you could go to Baylor and not have to worry about money at all?" Fear gripped every inch of me as all of my walls fell down. I had nowhere to hide anymore. I stumbled over my words, trying to make points about how going to Baylor wouldn't solve my problems, and how I needed to deal with them here. No one bought it, however. Not even myself. The more excuses I made, the louder God spoke to me: "No more fear. No more hiding. It's time to let go of control and let Me handle this." Okay, God. Easier said than done. I am addicted to control. If I can't be in control, I remove myself from the situation. If I can't do that, I panic. So how am I supposed to just give up control over such a huge part of my life? The answer to that is "one day...hour...minute at a time." I have to continually make the choice to let go and let Jesus carry me through.

About a week later, I sat down in my own living room, just me and my dad this time. He told me that my scholarships would end up covering my entire tuition. We talked about fear, love, the past, the future, the present, my heart, my life, and God's will. I had come to a dead-end. Hiding in fear was getting me nowhere. I didn't feel any better about life by saying no to Baylor. I just felt incomplete. And so, through tears and a shaking voice, I made my decision. "Kels, are we going to Baylor?" he asked. "Yes." and just like that, I felt Jesus so near to me. I wasn't afraid like I thought I would be. I was instead filled with peace. I had let go and let Him take over.

This is a choice I am making not just for this time in my life, but for my whole life. Going to Baylor is a wonderful thing-- I already love campus and the people, and my roommate, but even if all of those things weren't what I wanted, I would still be okay, because I am not going for myself. I am going because God has called me here. I am obeying His will for my life. I may be scared to leave family and friends behind, scared to be by myself in such a big, new place. Scared to start completely over, with nothing familiar except a blanket and my clothes, but those fears will not control me as long as I let God be in control.

"With man, this is impossible- but with God, all things are possible." -Matthew 19:36

This is all for Him. My love, my heart, my life; all that I am is for Him and His purpose. I have experienced the intimacy of His love and mercy, and it is so much better than any worldly thing. I want to live intentionally. I am not here by chance; there is a divine plan set in place by the Creator of the universe, and I have a part in it. How insane is that!? He thought of me when he was forming the stars, and when he breathed life into the Earth, and He called me by name the day that I was born. He lifted me up and filled me with life, and I intend to give that life back to Him in every way that I can. My Abba, my Father, my Protector and Guidance. My Shield, my Refuge, my Confidant and Leader.

 "All to Jesus, I surrender. All to Him I freely give. Oh, I will ever love and trust thee; in Your presence I will live."

 

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20