Get Out of The Boat!

Happy Monday! I had to look at my phone to remember what day it is. Welcome Week at Baylor is serious, dusk-til-dawn business. Today is my sixth day on campus and already, I would like to say that anyone back home in Missouri who is complaining about the heat can just come visit me and see what real heat is. You know your fellow students are good people when they'll still get to know you and hang out with you even though you are drenched in sweat pretty much 24/7. I have a whole new love and appreciation for cold showers! (Which is good, because hot water is spotty.)

In all seriousness, this week has been an endurance test in so many ways. I said goodbye to my extended family on Monday, and on Monday night, I blew a tire on my car. Tuesday morning I packed up and said goodbye to my best friend, and Tuesday night, I remembered all the things that I forgot to pack. Wednesday was move-in, and it was a blur of excitement and nervousness and uncertainty. The plan was originally for my parents to stay on campus with me until around 9pm, but they ended up having to leave around 6:30 instead. The weekend was very busy trying to navigate campus and all the activities and still get some sleep. It will probably be a while before I can talk about what saying goodbye felt like. Not just with my parents and brother, but with my entire family and all of my friends. My heart is both full and broken. No one has family like I do, and the support I am receiving through daily texts/calls alone is incredible. No one has family like mine.

Sunday night we had a candlelight worship/prayer service for all of the freshman. It was one of the most beautiful, intimate, incredible experiences I have ever had. To stand in an auditorium with over 4,000 other students and sing my most favorite song (Oceans- Hillsong United) was just awesome. Then we listened to a sermon that really touched my heart- I have been struggling since arriving at Baylor with many small challenges that just keep adding up in my mind and heart and making me feel completely beat down.

He spoke about Jesus walking on water and calling Simon Peter to come and join him (Matthew 14:22-34). There is a group of people in the boat with Peter, and when they see Jesus coming, they're all scared that He's a ghost. When Jesus calls out to them, he tells them not to be afraid. The scene may look daunting, but Jesus is in the midst of it. Out of all the group, Peter is the only one who gets out of the boat. He quickly begins to sink, and Jesus again calls out to Peter to trust and obey Him. Only when Peter gives up control and puts his faith in Jesus is he able to walk out onto the water with Him- which is pretty uncommon and incredible. (I'm sure the boat group was impressed.)

"Immediately Jesus reached His hand out and caught him. "You of little faith," He said, "why did you doubt?" -Matthew 14:31

The story relates to life today because we all have a choice to make with Jesus. Sitting in a boat is fine- at least you are out on the water. That's no easy task in itself; it's dark, cold, and you're in the middle of a large body of water. The boat is small, though, and Jesus has called you out into the water. He also knows that as human, we're imperfect- He didn't leave Peter to drown when he struggled on the water, and He doesn't leave us, either. He knows that our faith will falter, and when it does, He is there to lift us back up into Him, to call out our Faith and renew our strength. Walking out onto the water with Jesus is where we find true life- it is not easy or simple, but we do not have to fear failure when we put our faith in Jesus. His good and perfect plan prevails, and sometimes, the mistakes we make are even part of that plan. One thing we can always be sure of is that His plan is the most incredible path that our lives could ever take. Incredible joy, love, peace, and wisdom is found in every crevice of His work.

Realizing these things has made all the difference in my mindset about Baylor. It hasn't been a complete transformation, for example: I had a rather traumatic Target experience today that included getting lost, over-spending, and tearing a chunk of skin out of my foot, and I ended up calling my mom crying about how I didn't think I was ready to do this on my own. I felt so small and incapable, and at the same time, so very far away from my home and family. That was not a good mix. After some encouragement from my mom (and some jokes from my dad, who always seems to find humor in my dramatic teenage moments) I found some peace and solace in the love of my parents and Jesus, who reminded me that my clumsy transition into adulthood is, in fact, NOT the end of the world. Funny how He knows that, and I forget so often. (: I will never be perfect in my faith, because I am human, but I am continually learning how to keep my faith at the forefront of my mind, ready to be called into action when trouble arises.

"He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'" -Matthew 17:20

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

What a wonderful, passionate God we serve, who's love for His children is so intimate and extravagant. I can feel Him all around me, holding me together and guiding me in His will as my journey at Baylor begins. What an incomparable blessing!




-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander..."

I am an eighteen-year-old girl who is embarking on a brand new adventure in one week. To quote one of my favorite songwriters, Sara Groves,

"I just showed up for my own life- and I'm standing here, taking it in, and it sure looks bright."

I've grown up in Southwest Missouri basically my whole life. I have lived in houses of every description, and my homes have always been filled with family and friends.  When I was in 6th grade, my family lost our home of 8 years to foreclosure and we moved into a tiny trailer for 6 months, and then an even tinier apartment for 2 more years. Finally, when I was a sophomore in high school, we moved in to a nice, pretty home that fits us, isn't falling apart, and that we do not rent, but own. As a child, I was sure that somehow my family had done something very wrong and God had decided to throw us away. I would sit in church and listen to stories of grace and redemption and envy the receivers of such. My heart was empty and my future felt very small and lonely. I was surrounded by a small-town mindset that money was where happiness would be found, and if that was true, I felt I was the most miserable person on the planet.

It took many years for me to understand the extravagance of God's love for all people. It is so easy to get caught up in religious law, because it seems that is where safety is found. The more rules, the better protection. However, true relationship with God does not require a long list of rules and expectations--God has no expectations of us. He created us, and He knows every single thought we will ever think. He doesn't need expectations because He has seen our lives to the very end. What's even more amazing is that He chooses to love us so intimately and extravagantly despite knowing every single thing about us.

Thankfully, during my hard times, God's perception didn't change just because of my foolishness. He still saw his beloved child who He had created for a specific, beautiful purpose. He also had to know what a hard, painful journey it was going to be for me to realize who He is and who I am. There are many memories that God has healed within my heart, and looking back on them now, they do not upset me like they did before-- I now see Jesus moving in my life, following and leading and changing and, most of all, waiting for me to come to Him.

So, today, in August of 2014, I am standing in a whole new light. I have made the choice to answer the calling that God has placed on my life, and day-by-day, I am leaving behind the broken pieces of the girl I used to be. She was miserable and she held me back from so much joy, but not any more. I am free to be who I am and not worry about the future, because I know that my worth is not subjective or based on an earthly scale. It comes from Jesus Christ, and His love is ever-faithful.

The moment I began to make these changes in my life, I started receiving emails from Baylor University in Waco, TX. The only thing I knew about this school was that my cousin Kelli had previously graduated from it. I looked through the emails and began to learn more about the university. Everything I read made me fall more in love with it. I applied in December of 2013, and then, in a moment of fear, told myself I wouldn't be accepted, and put the entire event out of my mind. God kept it in His, however, because late one night in February, I decided to heck my email on my phone before going to bed. And there it was, the fourth email down-- "Congratulations, Kelsey!"
from a Baylor email address. Holy. Crap. I had been accepted. This dream school that was so out of reach for me had asked me to attend beginning their fall 2014 semester. And not only did they want me to attend... They wanted me to attend with an amazing scholarship. As the financial documents began to arrive in the mail, I became more and more anxious about the decision I had to make. My scholarships were covering a good portion of the cost, and more of them were coming as time passed, but I still couldn't let go of the worry that I was in over my head. I let the worry over finances become walls that I could hide behind. I didn't think I was ready to move eight hours away from the only home I've ever known.

I remember the night that God first spoke to me about Baylor. My family was gathered at my aunt and uncle's house and as soon as I walked in, the room became very quiet. I sat down and my dad looked at me and said, "Kels, we need to talk. What would you say if I told you that you could go to Baylor and not have to worry about money at all?" Fear gripped every inch of me as all of my walls fell down. I had nowhere to hide anymore. I stumbled over my words, trying to make points about how going to Baylor wouldn't solve my problems, and how I needed to deal with them here. No one bought it, however. Not even myself. The more excuses I made, the louder God spoke to me: "No more fear. No more hiding. It's time to let go of control and let Me handle this." Okay, God. Easier said than done. I am addicted to control. If I can't be in control, I remove myself from the situation. If I can't do that, I panic. So how am I supposed to just give up control over such a huge part of my life? The answer to that is "one day...hour...minute at a time." I have to continually make the choice to let go and let Jesus carry me through.

About a week later, I sat down in my own living room, just me and my dad this time. He told me that my scholarships would end up covering my entire tuition. We talked about fear, love, the past, the future, the present, my heart, my life, and God's will. I had come to a dead-end. Hiding in fear was getting me nowhere. I didn't feel any better about life by saying no to Baylor. I just felt incomplete. And so, through tears and a shaking voice, I made my decision. "Kels, are we going to Baylor?" he asked. "Yes." and just like that, I felt Jesus so near to me. I wasn't afraid like I thought I would be. I was instead filled with peace. I had let go and let Him take over.

This is a choice I am making not just for this time in my life, but for my whole life. Going to Baylor is a wonderful thing-- I already love campus and the people, and my roommate, but even if all of those things weren't what I wanted, I would still be okay, because I am not going for myself. I am going because God has called me here. I am obeying His will for my life. I may be scared to leave family and friends behind, scared to be by myself in such a big, new place. Scared to start completely over, with nothing familiar except a blanket and my clothes, but those fears will not control me as long as I let God be in control.

"With man, this is impossible- but with God, all things are possible." -Matthew 19:36

This is all for Him. My love, my heart, my life; all that I am is for Him and His purpose. I have experienced the intimacy of His love and mercy, and it is so much better than any worldly thing. I want to live intentionally. I am not here by chance; there is a divine plan set in place by the Creator of the universe, and I have a part in it. How insane is that!? He thought of me when he was forming the stars, and when he breathed life into the Earth, and He called me by name the day that I was born. He lifted me up and filled me with life, and I intend to give that life back to Him in every way that I can. My Abba, my Father, my Protector and Guidance. My Shield, my Refuge, my Confidant and Leader.

 "All to Jesus, I surrender. All to Him I freely give. Oh, I will ever love and trust thee; in Your presence I will live."

 

-Thanks for reading! You can continue to follow my journey here. Prayers are always appreciated. Feel free to send me a prayer or some encouragement, too! Kelsey_Phipps@baylor.edu

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Christ Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes." -Philippians 4:19-20